A Recent Convo

Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: Would you like me to take the price tag off this?
Me: Ma'am, ain't no one but me gonna drink it, and I already know how much it cost.
Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Woman behind me in line at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Me (to myself): I'm so alone.

Important fruit

Much of my work day revolves around eating. This morning I was packing up some thangs to shovel into my mouf hole throughout the day, and I lingered over the fruit drawer - what to choose? A run of the mill, unexciting apple, or a ripe and juicy black plum that I just picked up yesterday? I contemplated saving the plum to enjoy as a pick me up for the mid-week doldrums, but then I said to myself: Just get the plum, Sams. I'm not trying to f*ck around with greatness today.

I don't really know what that statement means, other than that I think about fruit way too much, and am very strange.

Physics lesson

In case you were wondering, it is in fact possible to hydroplane in your flip flops on a slippery sidewalk and, while throwing up your arms to catch your balance, for a gust of wind to come along and blow your dress up to your midsection. What a world!

Apologies go out to the entire neighborhood. I'm sorry I'm so strange and awkward, and I'm sorry if anyone saw my bottom.