From the files of truly awful commercials

Speaking of public (and ought to be illegal) dumping, have y'all seen this totally horrific Luvs diaper commercial where babies take giant cartoon poops and get rated on them?



IT IS DEPLORABLE.  I may hate it even more than those Charmin commericals, which are a disgrace to both toilet paper and bears.  Luckily I am not the only person who thinks this diaper commercial stinks to high heaven.  From Time magazine:

A Consumerist reader poll officially declared that Luvs Diapers’ “Poop, There It Is” commercial is the Absolute Worst Ad in America.


The ad, which features an animated baby talent show where the judges assign scores based on how much fecal matter each of the three grunting tots can dump into their diapers, earned slightly more than 32% of the vote.

Parents, do not buy these diapers, and if your child is really crapping that much, return it to the store and demand a new model, cause there is something wrong with it. 

Folgers is still airing that awful ad

Remember last year, when I freaked the hell out about Folgers updating their classic 'Peter Comes Home for Christmas' holiday commercial and making it all creepy and horrible and weird? Well, they DID NOT pay any attention to my scathing critique because I've already seen the 'revised' version on tv this holiday season. Please revisit my post from last year, but have a barf bucket on hand. That second commercial is as nasty as a McRib.

Things I Despise: The Charmin Bears

Thing about which my last post reminded me: Y'all, I hate those damn Charmin bears. This has got to be the worst ad campaign since that guy drinking Folgers wanted to boff his sister. I don't want to think about a bunch of crapping bears. It's not cute, it's GROSS.



See? Disgusting. If there is something coming out the back end of you that would require toilet paper that would stand up to a BEAR SHIT, you don't need to go buy a bunch of Charmin. You need to go see your doctor, immediately.

Reader feedback!

No one ever seems to comment on OEIA anymore, which is just fine - I know y'all are still devotedly reading. You just don't know how to delete me from your browser history. However, dear friend Whitney has just sent me some feedback on my recent Folgers commercial post, and I had to share, as it gave me the laffs:

What in the name of V.C. Andrews is that shit? I watched it with the sound off so all I had were those longing glances and BARF! Also, I don’t understand why they would ever want to replace the original Peter – that guy was a stone cold fox. Standing there looking like the “Brawny Man” with his Christopher Reeve hair and fisherman’s sweater…DING DONG.

This concludes our first reader feedback post, but there will be more, my friends! Oh yes. There will be more.

Mess with the classics, get the creepy garbage

The holidays approacheth, readers! You can expect plenty of holiday themed posts around here, because I am marrying someone who is perhaps the world's biggest fan of Christmas. In our house, Santa decorations are all-the-time decorations. Between the day after Thanksgiving and New Year's, Sam wears a Santa hat while he cooks, instead of a chef's cap. The man is serious about Christmas, and it is contagious. I've become downright sappy about the holidays myself since hitching my wagon to Sammy.

Here is a classic Christmas commercial that just gets me EVERY. TIME. It is just a great freaking ad - one that stands the test of time because it grabs at familiar emotions in all of us... ones of homecoming, and everything being the same, just like a cup of the coffee Mom always makes. Oh God, I'm tearing up already. Let's just watch it:



WELL. For some dumbass reason, Folger's decided last year that this great commercial, which has been running every year since the 1980s and is still PERFECT, needed updating. And here is what they came up with:



HOLY INCEST that is creepy! What is with all the lingering looks? It seriously looks like those siblings are in love with each other. A Compson Christmas, anyone? (Bonus points if anyone gets the Faulkner reference!) Take this as a lesson, advertisers - leave well enough alone, lest you create a commercial so creepy that people start to think drinking Folger's makes you want to hump your brother.