Brief Encounters with Drunk Dudes

On Friday evening, I was walking home along U Street after a lovely concert, thinking about how much I love my city and my neighborhood... when some fratty looking dude in khakis and boat shoes came stumbling out of some nondescript bar, bellowing about how much he wanted a jumbo slice.

"UGH," I thought to myself.  "U Street is SO. OVER."

I followed him and his crew a couple of blocks down the street.  As they approached the Metro, an elderly homeless dude, who I am guessing was drunk because he had clearly pissed his pants, caught sight of this group.  He looked at them with disdain and proclaimed, "I AM SO SICK OF ALL THESE FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE!"

Me being me, I burst out laughing.  The elderly man turned his attention to me and said, "Except for the REAL white people.  You REAL, lady."  Then he squinted at me and observed, "Wait, you ain't even white.  You Latina!"

Thanks, U Street, for reminding me that you do have a bit of character left. 

Sad face

The Dunkin Donuts at 14th and U is suddenly closed.  I realize I should not make fun of this sign, because those composing it probably do not have English as their first language... but the combo of the grammar and the sad face is pretty great:

I made one for my blog, since I so rarely update these days:

I'm trying to do better!  

Via.

Crackerjack police work

Sam and I were coming home Friday evening, and as we approached our block we saw that the street was cordoned off with caution tape and there was a cop car with the lights flashing sitting in the middle of the street.  As we proceeded down the sidewalk and made the turn onto our block, we had the following exchange with a policeman:

Policeman: You can't go down there.
Sam: We live down there.
Policeman: You do?
Me: Yes.
Policeman:  Oh.  Okay.

He didn't even check our IDs to make sure we did, in fact, live there.  Nicely done, DC Five-0! 

An educational cab ride

On Sunday evening, Sam and I headed to 2Amy's with our good friend Doc Boyle.  It was raining and there were no buses in sight, so we decided to splurge on a cab... AND THANK GOD WE DID!  We were treated to one of the most friendly, convivial and delightful cab drivers I've ever encountered.  Here is the conversation we had:

Driver: Where are all of you from?  I'm from right here in the District, I bet you are not!
Sam: I was born in PG County, but I grew up in Northeast.
Me: I'm from Mississippi.
Driver: Oh my goodness.  You are far from home!  That is so far away I can't even think about it. 
Me: Wait til you hear how far away our friend's home is. 
Doc Boyle: Guess where I'm from.
Driver: If it's farther than Mississippi, I can't even think about it.  I cannot even guess.
Doc Boyle: I'm from California.
Driver: Well that's where OJ lives!
Me: OJ SIMPSON? 
Driver: Yeah, that's where OJ lives!  He lives in Brentwood, nice neighborhood.
Sam: I think he lives in prison now, actually.
Driver: Oh that's right!  They finally did get him, didn't they?  You think he killed Nicole?
Doc Boyle: Well, what does the evidence suggest?
Driver: It didn't fit and they had to acquit.  You know what I heard, that they didn't talk about?  His dog was there!  His dog was in the house when she was killed and he saw everything.
Me: How unfortunate for the dog.
Driver: And they got that dog up on the stand, and they said - 'Dog, who killed Nicole?' - and the dog says 'AROOO, WOOF, AROO-OO-OH-OH-OH.'  He got out the O, but he could't say J - so it didn't fit, and they had to acquit!
Me, Sam and Doc Boyle: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Unfortunately by then we had arrived at our destination and had to part ways with this gentleman.  We gave him a 120% tip. 

RPD 2 - Street sign near my house

Someone doctored this sign. Love it.

A heartwarming dance

It continues to be horribly cold in the District of Columbia, but there's one great way to keep warm - DANCING. Luckily the Racing Presidents of the Washington Nationals are well aware of this fact. Take a gander at THIS:


Teddy might be highlighted heavily, but it's Abe Lincoln's stirring grande jetes which really tug at my heartstrings.

Weather update

Dear lord!

"The Washington Metropolitan Council of Governments has issued a code red air quality alert for today. This forecast means air quality is expected to be unhealthy for all individuals."

Code red!? It's like the AIR is a terrorist.

Cram it, smile demanders!

On my walk to work this morning, a man hollered at me "Smile baby, it can't be that bad!" Being told to smile by randos as I walk down the street is one of my greatest pet peeves. First of all, I'm just freaking walking down the street - do I really need to do it with a goofy grin plastered to my mug at all times? Secondly, how the HELL do you know that things aren't that bad? Maybe my dog just died, asshat. Finally, it is of course completely sexist - I guaran-damn-tee you that guy isn't telling men they should be smiling all the time.

But luckily, I was able to cheer myself right back up, as I noticed the man in question was yelling at me from the driver's seat of a garbage truck, and immediately recalled one of my favorite bits from comedian David Cross. Mr. Cross here is talking about garbage men sexually harassing women from their trucks, just as I encountered today:

"I could ask out a ninety nine chicks, and get ninety nine nos, but maybe, just maybe, that hundredth chick likes to f*ck on a pile of trash."

And then I laughed my way to work.

Wonderful kid

Most of my neighbors are kind of lame (with the exception of the kinda sorta lil bit famous one). They don't say hello too much, they have kids with absolutely massive strollers that take up the sidewalk, they act like they have never seen you before... wait, I'm really just talking about one set of neighbors. You know who you are, blue house on the corner!!

Anyway, there is a great kid named Michael who lives next door. The other day I saw him and he said 'I jump on my trampoline every day and NO ONE CAN STOP ME!'.

It pleased me.

A lil adventure

Today I had a staff retreat at a site in Petworth, a neighborhood in DC that some of my coworkers (mostly the ones who live in the 'burbs) seem to think is marginal at best. I like to live on the edge, so I opted to take the Metro and walk to the meeting rather than waste money I don't have on a cab. And it was delightful! Everyone was most friendly and the walk was lovely and totally uneventful. I was about a block from the Metro on my way back home this afternoon, thinking "I didn't even get sexually harassed, this neighborhood is great!"... when I got sexually harassed. But it wasn't even that insulting! A man drove by and took a moment to slow and holler out his window, 'Where can I find a pretty lady like you?'. Sadly, he drove off before I could respond, but my reply would have been thus:

1) Sir, your taste is questionable.
2) At the Ophelia store, duh.

This was nice

Just went to check out info on getting a marriage license in DC, and saw this on the website:

NOTE: Pursuant to the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009, L18-110, effective March 3, 2010, same sex couples may apply for marriage licenses in the District of Columbia.

That is very nice. That is a very good thing! Hooray for marrying whoever you damn well please!