That is all.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Here is something that made me lol on the bus
It was 7:30am, and I lol'd, and people stared at me:
That is all.
That is all.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A bunch of politics happened
So both the Republican and Democratic National Conventions took place over the last couple of weeks. There were some truly remarkable speeches (MICHELLE!), and plenty of barf-riffic pontificating (that freak Paul Ryan), and a veritable avalanche of blog posts, tweets, and articles. Here are a few of my favorite politically related thangs the internet gave me over the last few weeks...
This screencap from before the conventions, but I'm throwing it in here anyway because it's hilarious:
This Tweet from concerned American citizen, Lindsey Lohan, to our esteemed leader President Barack Obama:
This truly unfortunate photo of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus:
And finally, I have saved the best for last... this incomparable photo of Joe Biden campaigning in Ohio and about to charm the pants off a lady biker, much to the chagrin of her biker man friends:
Y'all, PLEASE vote Obama/Biden this November, if only to ensure that we get four more glorious years of my Bro-seph Joseph.
This screencap from before the conventions, but I'm throwing it in here anyway because it's hilarious:
This Tweet from concerned American citizen, Lindsey Lohan, to our esteemed leader President Barack Obama:
This truly unfortunate photo of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus:
And finally, I have saved the best for last... this incomparable photo of Joe Biden campaigning in Ohio and about to charm the pants off a lady biker, much to the chagrin of her biker man friends:
Y'all, PLEASE vote Obama/Biden this November, if only to ensure that we get four more glorious years of my Bro-seph Joseph.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Unusual Town Name Extravaganza!
It's no secret that I've been neglecting The Blog over the past few weeks. It's probably a combination of the laziness that comes with the hot summer months, and some general ennui I've been feeling in my life. Almost a month ago, Pete sent me an article from Yahoo with the results of a poll about the worst town names in America. I meant to share it with all (seven) of you immediately, but I let it fall by the wayside. So now I am going to do a full review of these UNUSUAL TOWN NAMES, and try to find some facts about each place! We'll start with number 10 and work our way up to the grand poobah of lousily named places:
10. Monkey's Eyebrow, KY - A classic unusual town name! Proving that I'm always on top of my game here at OEIA, I've already written about Monkey's Eyebrow! You can get all the scoop you need here.
9. Squabbletown, CA - As is the case with a lot of these, there's not a lot of info about Squabbletown (which, frankly, doesn't seem that bad a name to me, but whatevs). A Google search yields statements like "Squabbletown is a populated place." Didn't even make it onto Google Maps. I'm calling bullshit on this one, Yahoo. Try again.
8. Loveladies, NJ - This is another totally weak entry. Loveladies is located on a barrier island off the coast of New Jersey, and is populated with fancy homes where celebrities vacation. I'm beginning to think Yahoo wouldn't know a quality unusual town name if it bit them on the ass.
7. Roachtown, IL - Now this is more like it! Roachtown is in western Illinois, quite close to St. Louis... and that's about all I can find. I can tell you that its elevation is 541 feet and they are currently experiencing light rain.
6. Belchertown, MA - Belchertown is in central Massachusetts, and I have actually been there! The wonderful pastor Vicki who married me and Sam lives there, and we spent a lovely afternoon there in 2010. She joked that it was located next to Fartsville. Gotta love a woman of the cloth who still appreciates toilet humor. Other B'town facts - it's home to a Little League field called 'Mini Fenway Park,' and it was also the birthplace of Porter Rockwell, who was Joseph Smith's personal bodyguard. YIKES!
5. Assawoman, MD - This seems to be another screw up, as there's a lagoon called Assawoman Bay in Maryland, but no town known as such, but let's just go with it. What does it mean? According to the book The Place Names of Maryland: their Origin and Meaning by Hamill Kenny: "Assawoman...The name is Indian and the two opening syllables (assa-) seem to be from either Algonquian acaw- 'across,' or Algonquian asaw- 'brown, yellow.' For technical reasons the rest of the word cannot be satisfactorily solved, and the full meaning of assawoman remains unknown." The full meaning is a woman with a fantastic ass, Henry. Get with the program.
4. Hooker, OK - Hooker is in the middle of the Oklahoma panhandle, and its population is a little under 2,000. They have a really pathetic website where none of the links work, so let's just assume that everyone in town is a prostitute.
3. Boring, OR - I love Boring, because they have a sense of humor and are making the effort for some self-promotion! Their sister city is Dull, Scotland, and their town motto is "Boring, Oregon - An exciting place to live and work!" Two thumbs up to Boring. You guys are really working with what you've got.
2. Climax, GA - Oh, God. What kind of joke am I supposed to make here? My PARENTS read this blog. Let's just go with the facts - Climax is in Decatur County, GA, has about 300 residents, and is home of the Swine Time Festival! The event is attended by 35,000 people annually. Contests & events include best dressed pig, corn shucking, hog calling, eating chitterlings, pig racing, syrup making, baby crawling, and the great greased pig chase. Another fact: My brain read "syrup making, baby crawling" as "baby making," because what the hell else is one supposed to do in Climax?
1. Toad Suck, AR - I have to agree that this is a top-notch unusual town name. According to the article... What does "Toad Suck" mean anyway? Well, the answer is quite simple... Long ago, steamboats traveled the Arkansas River when the water was at the right depth. When it wasn't, the captains and their crew tied up to wait where the Toad Suck Lock and Dam now spans the river. While they waited, they refreshed themselves at the local tavern there, to the dismay of the folks living nearby, who said: "They suck on the bottle 'til they swell up like toads." Hence, the name Toad Suck.
Well, Yahoo worked up to a big, ah, climax at the end there, but a lot of these entries are just lazy. I think I can do better. I'm going to find a truly unusual town name in every state in this great nation, and share them all with YOU (Mama, Pete, Syd, occasionally my sister)! LOVE YOU, READERS!
10. Monkey's Eyebrow, KY - A classic unusual town name! Proving that I'm always on top of my game here at OEIA, I've already written about Monkey's Eyebrow! You can get all the scoop you need here.
9. Squabbletown, CA - As is the case with a lot of these, there's not a lot of info about Squabbletown (which, frankly, doesn't seem that bad a name to me, but whatevs). A Google search yields statements like "Squabbletown is a populated place." Didn't even make it onto Google Maps. I'm calling bullshit on this one, Yahoo. Try again.
8. Loveladies, NJ - This is another totally weak entry. Loveladies is located on a barrier island off the coast of New Jersey, and is populated with fancy homes where celebrities vacation. I'm beginning to think Yahoo wouldn't know a quality unusual town name if it bit them on the ass.
7. Roachtown, IL - Now this is more like it! Roachtown is in western Illinois, quite close to St. Louis... and that's about all I can find. I can tell you that its elevation is 541 feet and they are currently experiencing light rain.
6. Belchertown, MA - Belchertown is in central Massachusetts, and I have actually been there! The wonderful pastor Vicki who married me and Sam lives there, and we spent a lovely afternoon there in 2010. She joked that it was located next to Fartsville. Gotta love a woman of the cloth who still appreciates toilet humor. Other B'town facts - it's home to a Little League field called 'Mini Fenway Park,' and it was also the birthplace of Porter Rockwell, who was Joseph Smith's personal bodyguard. YIKES!
5. Assawoman, MD - This seems to be another screw up, as there's a lagoon called Assawoman Bay in Maryland, but no town known as such, but let's just go with it. What does it mean? According to the book The Place Names of Maryland: their Origin and Meaning by Hamill Kenny: "Assawoman...The name is Indian and the two opening syllables (assa-) seem to be from either Algonquian acaw- 'across,' or Algonquian asaw- 'brown, yellow.' For technical reasons the rest of the word cannot be satisfactorily solved, and the full meaning of assawoman remains unknown." The full meaning is a woman with a fantastic ass, Henry. Get with the program.
4. Hooker, OK - Hooker is in the middle of the Oklahoma panhandle, and its population is a little under 2,000. They have a really pathetic website where none of the links work, so let's just assume that everyone in town is a prostitute.
3. Boring, OR - I love Boring, because they have a sense of humor and are making the effort for some self-promotion! Their sister city is Dull, Scotland, and their town motto is "Boring, Oregon - An exciting place to live and work!" Two thumbs up to Boring. You guys are really working with what you've got.
2. Climax, GA - Oh, God. What kind of joke am I supposed to make here? My PARENTS read this blog. Let's just go with the facts - Climax is in Decatur County, GA, has about 300 residents, and is home of the Swine Time Festival! The event is attended by 35,000 people annually. Contests & events include best dressed pig, corn shucking, hog calling, eating chitterlings, pig racing, syrup making, baby crawling, and the great greased pig chase. Another fact: My brain read "syrup making, baby crawling" as "baby making," because what the hell else is one supposed to do in Climax?
1. Toad Suck, AR - I have to agree that this is a top-notch unusual town name. According to the article... What does "Toad Suck" mean anyway? Well, the answer is quite simple... Long ago, steamboats traveled the Arkansas River when the water was at the right depth. When it wasn't, the captains and their crew tied up to wait where the Toad Suck Lock and Dam now spans the river. While they waited, they refreshed themselves at the local tavern there, to the dismay of the folks living nearby, who said: "They suck on the bottle 'til they swell up like toads." Hence, the name Toad Suck.
Well, Yahoo worked up to a big, ah, climax at the end there, but a lot of these entries are just lazy. I think I can do better. I'm going to find a truly unusual town name in every state in this great nation, and share them all with YOU (Mama, Pete, Syd, occasionally my sister)! LOVE YOU, READERS!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
New Feud clip!
It's been some time since we had a quality clip from the Steve Harvey-hosted Family Feud. Luckily, the wait is over!
I love Marion's reaction. I have that reaction to various things at least 4 times a week.
I love Marion's reaction. I have that reaction to various things at least 4 times a week.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
More from our good friend R
We've already discussed the brilliant title of R Kelly's brand new autobiography, Soula Coaster. Over Thanksgiving, I learned from my sister that R has been cranking out genuis wordsmithery for years now. I'd like to share with you some of the remarkably descriptive lyrics from his sensual hit, "In the Kitchen":
girl ur in the kitchen
cookin me a meal
somethin makes me wanna come in there and get a feel...
cuttin up tomatoes
fruits and vegetables and potatoes
girl u look so sexy while ur doin the damn thang
sex in the kitchen
over by the stove
put u on the counter
by the buttered rolls...
Phew, is it hot in here, or is it just me?! Could be cause we're right be the stove, I suppose.
girl ur in the kitchen
cookin me a meal
somethin makes me wanna come in there and get a feel...
cuttin up tomatoes
fruits and vegetables and potatoes
girl u look so sexy while ur doin the damn thang
sex in the kitchen
over by the stove
put u on the counter
by the buttered rolls...
Phew, is it hot in here, or is it just me?! Could be cause we're right be the stove, I suppose.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Marvelous headline
My delightful friend Bennifer, the very man who suggested I start this here blog, has emailed me an article with one of the better headlines I've seen in some time:
Man Caught Having Sex with Donkey Claimed It Was a Shapeshifting Hooker
More, here.
Man Caught Having Sex with Donkey Claimed It Was a Shapeshifting Hooker
More, here.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Midget news
Here is some midget news:
Pardon me, I meant dwarf news. I know how irritated I get when folks get my name wrong. Apologies to you, dead dwarf!
Pardon me, I meant dwarf news. I know how irritated I get when folks get my name wrong. Apologies to you, dead dwarf!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I really enjoy baseball
America's pasttime! Hot dogs, beer, sunshine, the crack of the bat... and sulking.
And boob grabbing in front of God and everybody... and Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. I sure do miss those two!
Thanks to Buzzfeed for the first video, and Pete, of course, for the latter. PLAY BALL!!!
And boob grabbing in front of God and everybody... and Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. I sure do miss those two!
Thanks to Buzzfeed for the first video, and Pete, of course, for the latter. PLAY BALL!!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Internet continues to give us great birth control
...this time, in the form of news of a GIANT BABY born recently in Boston, MA. This is young Eric, who came into this world weighing in at a whopping 13 pounds and 2 ounces. More like OUCHES, am I right? Can you imagine that coming out of you? Or hell, being in you in the first place. His poor mama.
Screw the birth control. I'll just enter a nunnery. YIKES.
Screw the birth control. I'll just enter a nunnery. YIKES.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Lesson from a turtle
It's important to let the one you love know how into them you are. This guy has the right idea:
Have a sexy weekend, people!
Have a sexy weekend, people!
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