Effing Mannings

You know what really used to piss me off? When I was in college, all my friends who went to Ole Miss would swoon about over Eli Manning, who was a student and football player there at the time. They would call me up and squeal about how they'd seen him in the student union and he was just "soooooooo fine!" and it would just BURN MY BISCUITS. Because I will admit the kid is a fantastic football player, but there is just no way in hell he is good looking. He looks, as my dear friend Dave put it, like an 11 year old special needs kid. I think this post sums it up perfectly with the headline "ELI MANNING MAKES MOST ELI MANNING FACE EVER."

Wait for it...


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here it is!


Ugh. Awful. Go away, Mannings.

Thanks to Leah for alerting me to this fantastic photo of Eli Manning being fugly and stupid and not hot AT ALL.

Neck news

My lovely work colleagues continue to supply quality blog content! This time it's from pal and peer Lindsey, who alerted me to this fascinating Slate slideshow on the widest necks in the NFL. One of the highlights for me was Chiefs team member Kelly Gregg, who clearly has attempted to overcome having a somewhat feminine first name by having the world's manliest neck:


Kelly is something called a 'nose tackle,' but one look tells you he ought to become a neck tackle. Y'all mosey on over to Slate and check out all those wide ass necks!

Unusual Town Names: Smackover

Several years back, my sister's boyfriend had to go to Arkansas for work, to a town called Smackover. He brought back Goo a great shirt, but he didn't bring me shit. I was disappointed he didn't take the opportunity to give me something marvelous from Smackover. I think it's cause he dislikes my poetry. Genuis makes some people uncomfortable. BUT I DIGRESS. Smackover, AR is home to some 2,000 souls, with - SWEET LORD - a whopping 91% of families below the poverty line?! Oh wait, that says 9.1%. That is still a lot, but phew! It was 'a rough and tumble oil boom town' and is now home to the Arkansas Museum of Natural Resources. It is the birthplace of American roots musician Sleepy LaBeef, who singlehandedly just started a new feature called Unusual American Roots Musician Names.


Ed. note: This gentleman is neither Goo's boyfriend nor, to my knowledge, Sleepy LaBeef. As far as I can tell he is just your average lover of Smackover.

And that's all I got on Smackover. If anyone goes there, please bring me back a shirt. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

Crushes from the 90s

Tonight at 8pm, with no new episode of America's Next Top Model, I found myself in front of the tube, din din on lap, with nothing to watch - I have a fairly strict tv watching schedule, you see. When one's significant other works nights, one tends to date the television in his absence. So, I began to channel surf when Jeopardy! ended, but the surfing did not last long. I quickly found myself watching NBC's reality show The Sing Off. This genuis creation is a competitive outing for acapella groups, and it is AWESOME. It's pretty much the opposite of American Idol, which I despise - the contestants do their own arrangements, and they can all actually sing really well (American Idol is basically a yelling contest, not a singing contest)! I enjoyed the featured groups immensely, but what really struck a chord with me (PUN!) was the judges... because one of them is an old crush of mine from the early 90s about whom I'd completely forgotten: Shawn Stockman of Boyz II Men. Remember him?! Remember Boyz II Men?! Let me refresh your memory:



EFF YES. I may or may not have just danced around my kitchen while watching that. Expect more Sing Off and Shawn Stockman posts in the weeks to come, friends! No go forth and harmonize.

The shirt before the shirt

I freaking LOVE Jersey Shore. Since the beginning, though, I have struggled with which of these lucious beach barnacles I'd rather smoosh - Vinny, the only one who seems to possess much of a brain, or DJ Pauly Delvetico, with his unflappable hair and his insatiable lust for life? Just when I think it's Vinny for sure, DJ Pauly D gets back in the race with gems like these:




Yep, Pauly D all the way this week!

A lil adventure

Today I had a staff retreat at a site in Petworth, a neighborhood in DC that some of my coworkers (mostly the ones who live in the 'burbs) seem to think is marginal at best. I like to live on the edge, so I opted to take the Metro and walk to the meeting rather than waste money I don't have on a cab. And it was delightful! Everyone was most friendly and the walk was lovely and totally uneventful. I was about a block from the Metro on my way back home this afternoon, thinking "I didn't even get sexually harassed, this neighborhood is great!"... when I got sexually harassed. But it wasn't even that insulting! A man drove by and took a moment to slow and holler out his window, 'Where can I find a pretty lady like you?'. Sadly, he drove off before I could respond, but my reply would have been thus:

1) Sir, your taste is questionable.
2) At the Ophelia store, duh.