Whoops, had a brain accident!

HEY Y'ALL! Haven't blogged in a while, because Thanksgiving and Christmas and work and the holidays and soooooooooo busy, and also a couple of weekends ago I was admitted to the hospital cause my brain basically did this:



But luckily after my brain fell on its own face, much like this baby panda, it got back up and has kept on trucking ever since. Deep Ophelia Thought: A seizure is like a literal brain fart. Ha!

Hoisted by my own petard!

Well. It goes without saying that at some point, as the author of a blog that derives a great deal of content from videos of people falling down, I was going to fall down myself. And on Thursday night, fall down I did! I slipped on some wet leaves while scurrying across the street, completely lost my balance, fell ass-over-teakettle* and smacked my chin on the sidewalk. It hurt so badly that I thought I'd fractured my jaw, but a trip to the doctor told me my only problem was wounded pride... and a seriously nasty bruise:


I have new empathy for my fellow fallers. I am a fallen woman!

*Phrase copyrighted to P. Chambers, Fall 2003, Soho Square, London.

Tattoos

A not insignificant number of people in my neighborhood seem to have tattoos designed to honor a loved one who has passed on. Just now I was leaving the store, and a young woman by the door had one on her arm that said:

R.I.P PIE

If I had a tattoo to immortalize the day I've had today, it would say:

R.I.P. POUND CAKE

So, my mom had a minor heart attack. Nuts!

It totally sucked and was really scary, but she's fine now and her heart looks super awesome and her arteries look so amazing they are basically like tiny Heidi Klums snaking all over her bod. Also amazing - cardiologists apparently use their iPhones to take photos of people's innards, cause that's what the doctor used to show me photos of my mother's innards. While he was showing me the photos, a text popped up that said 'So do I induce seizure?' and the doctor sighed and rolled his eyes and gave me this look that was like 'Can you believe these morons I have to put up with?' and I gave him a look back that was like 'Do you seriously make these sorts of decisions via text message on your iPhone?'

Anyway, many many thanks to the doctors and nurses at Women's, River Oaks and St. Dominics Hospitals in Jackson, MS for saving my mother's life and providing the Sams fam the chance to come together and discuss important issues!

Mama: Can you explain to me why Justin Bieber's hair looks like that?
Me: Well, he cut it off recently. It's a lot more normal now.
Mama: Thank God. He looked ridiculous.

Work it!

After a relaxing week of staycation here in the Federal City, I need to get my arse back to the gym in a major way. These pups have the right idea:



You go, dogs!

A Recent Convo

Me: What's in that bucket?
Sam: Duck fat.
Me: What'd you bring home duck fat for?
Sam: It's for the house. You know. To have around.
Me: Oh. Uh, okay.
Sam: We could make potatoes fried in duck fat next week!
Me: That doesn't sound very healthy.
Sam: Baby, it's not BAD for you. It's duck fat! It's good for you! It's ALL NATURAL!