A poem

Here is a poem I wrote when I was 8 and spent several hours sitting on my rump in my neighbor Shelly's wading pool.  I was wearing my dance leotard and didn't change into a swimsuit because, duh, the leotard LOOKED just like a swimsuit.  You will note this poem is an acrostic.  High artistry, right here.

"Butt Rash"

Butt rash is red.
Usually feels dead.
Totally crummy.
Taking energy out of your tummy.

Raking over your butt.
Always making you feel like you're stuck in a rut.
She or he, it will make you flee.
Happening of it will make you say, "Oh gee!"

Fin.

Jump starting the blog with a random photo dump

Occasionally I get reminded that there are a few folks out there who actually read and enjoy this blog.  Thank you, dear devoted readers!  I've been sleeping on the blog as of late - the Muses have not been speaking to me for some reason. 

But, though I haven't been posting on the blog, I never stop thinking about the blog.  Here is a collection of random photos I have saved to post on the blog, but can no longer remember why:

And just like that, THE BLOG IS BACK IN ACTION!

Amateur thespians unite!

Did y'all know I was very active in my community theater when I was young?  I was Sandy in our local production of Grease when I was 15.  I peaked early.

This hamster is also a fantastic actor!

Incredible.  He really commits to his craft here.

Via Dlisted.

Hi guys...

Can I come in?

I've been sleeping on the blog as of late.  Will stop doing that.  Forgive me?  Love you!

Birthday bash!

My friends and I THREW DOWN on Friday night for my birthday, rapidly-gettin'-old-style! First we went to see a high school dance performance, and then we ate some pizza, and then we went home and went to bed! In all honesty, it was exactly the kind of night I wanted to have - quality time with some of my favorite people, maw stuffed with 'za, a couple of glasses of wine, and a warm bed. I did get a bit nuts by double fisting the cupcakes:


PARTY ON!

A lazy magnolia

Hey Mama and Pete (and any other readers who may be out there)! My deepest apologies for not posting regularly, or at all, as of late. I could say I've been very busy at work, which is true. I could say I've been making an effort to ensure I spend more time with friends, which is also true. I could say I've been feeling uninspired and rather mentally stagnant, which ain't no lie. But what it really all boils down to is that I'm just remarkably, incredibly, historically lazy. So no more lying down on the blog! Here come the posts of animals doing adorable things, people falling down, weird town names, and - at the rabid request of 50% of my readership - a regular feature concerning news about gourds. I am not making that up.

Love y'all!

Favorite swears

I've just come to the realization that long swears appear to run in my family! My dad's favorite swear (usually directed at inanimate objects that get in his way) is:

GODDAMNSONOFABITCH.

My favorite swear (usually directed at emails I receive from morons) is:

SHITFUCKHELLDAMN.

What's your favorite swear? Do you like them short and sweet, or do you string together several words for a triple or even quadruple whammy of damnation? Inquiring Ophelias want to know!

Whoops, had a brain accident!

HEY Y'ALL! Haven't blogged in a while, because Thanksgiving and Christmas and work and the holidays and soooooooooo busy, and also a couple of weekends ago I was admitted to the hospital cause my brain basically did this:



But luckily after my brain fell on its own face, much like this baby panda, it got back up and has kept on trucking ever since. Deep Ophelia Thought: A seizure is like a literal brain fart. Ha!

Hoisted by my own petard!

Well. It goes without saying that at some point, as the author of a blog that derives a great deal of content from videos of people falling down, I was going to fall down myself. And on Thursday night, fall down I did! I slipped on some wet leaves while scurrying across the street, completely lost my balance, fell ass-over-teakettle* and smacked my chin on the sidewalk. It hurt so badly that I thought I'd fractured my jaw, but a trip to the doctor told me my only problem was wounded pride... and a seriously nasty bruise:


I have new empathy for my fellow fallers. I am a fallen woman!

*Phrase copyrighted to P. Chambers, Fall 2003, Soho Square, London.

I'm not dead, y'all!

Things have just been really hairy in the steno pool as of late, making it difficult for me to bring y'all up to date Bieber news and photos of cute animals and videos of people falling down. Several months ago, I did a Google image search for 'steno pool.' Oddly, this was one of the first things to come up:


Oddly, it kinda fits.

Keep on trucking, readers! I'll be back on my usual schedule of scintillating posts in no time.

Fun Ophelia Fact

I have a tremendously difficult time telling my right from my left. People always scoff at this and say that one just has to hold up each hand with the thumb and forefinger at perpindicular angles, and the left one will make an L. WRONG. They BOTH make an L. One of them is just a backwards L, which only confuses me further.

I also can't add or subtract things that involve the number 9.