Laughter as medicine = NO JOKE!

I was just sitting here freaking the eff out about this sleep study I have to go do tonight, but then I read Buzzfeed's post about the funniest celeb Tweets of the year, and y'all I just LOL'd so hard and I feel better. Here is the one that really had me rolling:


SO GOOD.

Best facebook post ever?

Per usual, the very best of the internet has just been delivered to my inbox by my dear friend Sydney. I have been giggling intermittently over this for at least 20 minutes now, and trying to figure out how to share this item with you without exposing the identities of the guilty. Suddenly, like a beacon of light from 1995 (ok, Syd suggested it, duh), came the answer: PAINT! So here, with my strongest efforts at using Microsoft Paint, is the best facebook post ever:


HAHAHAHA OMG what an a-hole! I want to high five this woman for being so awesomely a-holeish. Happy holidays, a-hole! Please never change.

If I were a nicer person, this would be a sad video

Luckily, I am a jerk, so this is a hilarious video!

Email I got this morning

Thanks, Pete. Thank you so very much. Fun fact - when you get an email from Beef O'Brady's, the sender is listed solely as 'Beef'.

Sometimes, it's a good thing to be afraid

Who, as a kid, did not fantasize about swinging so high that you go in a full circle? I know I did, and it was one of my earliest tastes of those delicious moments when you contemplate doing something that is exciting and foolhardy. Luckily, I was a TOTAL WUSS as a kid and my fear overcame my desire to do something really, really stupid.



This young man should have been more afraid, perhaps.

Via BestWeekEver

More evidence that Arizona is the worst state

I have an irrational dislike for the entire state of Arizona, solely because someone for whom I don't care too much lives there. Because it produced this individual, whenever I hear someone talking about Arizona I think, "Ugh. Arizona is THE WORST."


Oh, looks like I am right!

Excellent marketing idea

From a gym in New Jersey:


Seriously, though, we are all in agreement now that Mel Gibson is the worst, right? And we will never pay to go see one of his movies again, and we will resist the temptation to watch Mad Max when it comes on basic cable late at night, right? Okay, good. Just making sure we are all on the same page.

Well, this just arrived in my inbox

And boy, do I have some things to say about it!

First of all, Amazon, stop stalking me. I was JUST bitching about Kindles last night, and then this email shows up? What were you doing, standing outside my house and peeking through my window to see what kind of explainin' Ophelia was up to now? You're a creepy perv, give it a rest.

And then - the perfect gift for dad?! Not MY dad. My dad is a writer, and was a professor of literature for 30 years. I grew up in a house surrounded by books. If I gave him a Kindle, he'd think I was an a-hole - and that's IF he could understand what the thing even was, which is doubtful seeing as he can't even work a cell phone. And then of course there's the price on the lil sucker - nearly $500. You're right, that's the PERFECT GIFT FOR DAD... from his daughter who lives paycheck to paycheck. DIE.

Finally, let's take a look at this testimony from Douglas H in California, who loves his Kindle so much he gave it 5 stars. One of his main reasons for his e-reader adoration is that it is "easier to hold than a book." Congats, Douglas H, you are the laziest son of a biscuit eating bulldog I've come across in a long while!

Kindle, you are a sack of crap. Please stay out of my inbox.

And stop driving independent bookstores out of business while you're at it.

Kindles

So, dear readers - what do we think of people with Kindles? My thought is - people with Kindles are a-holes, but I am interested in feedback. I just asked my fiance, but he didn't know what a Kindle was, so he was of little help. Just keep being handsome and making my dinner, finace!

Tumblrs from Syd

She just keeps hitting home runs with these things.

White Whine

An early favorite:

Stay Classy, Lorain County!

Just your average prom night in northern Ohio.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

To be honest, I totally forgot it was Cinco de Mayo yesterday, until I was walking home on U Street and there were drunken bridge and tunnel louts stumbling all over the place, being lame, and generally interfering with my get along. I decided to look up Cinco de Mayo on Wikipedia and learn a bit more about the holiday:

"The date is perhaps best recognized in the United States as a date to celebrate the culture and experiences of Americans of Mexican ancestry, much as St. Patrick's Day, Oktoberfest, and the Chinese New Year are used to celebrate those of Irish, German, and Chinese ancestry respectively. Similar to those holidays, Cinco de Mayo is observed by many Americans regardless of ethnic origin. Celebrations tend to draw both from traditional Mexican symbols, such as the Virgen de Guadalupe, and from prominent figures of Mexican descent in the United States, including César Chávez. To celebrate, many display Cinco de Mayo banners while school districts hold special events to educate pupils about its historical significance. Special events and celebrations highlight Mexican culture, especially in its music and regional dancing."

Well that is great!


So is this!

Bathing Suit Season Is Almost Here!

I really, really wish bathing suits still looked like this:



Wouldn't that be nice? The woman from whose webpage I got that image, one "Sally Spark" does not think so:

"People are trying to make vintage swimsuits happen this summer. Sure they look cute in photo shoots but you really have to have the right kind of body for it. Also, I really can’t see anyone wearing vintage swimsuits at the beach, get real!"

Shut up, you stupid trollop! Why don't YOU get real!

I watched The Hills last night

And yep, it was pretty much exactly like this.

Also, Heidi's new face is completely terrifying.

Old News and a New Project

You've already heard about last month's mind blowing USA Today article in which Nicholas Sparks compares himself to some of history's greatest writers. You've already started agog at your computer screen, scrathing your head over whether he could truly believe that "A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That's what I write." And you have heard his disparaging comments about Cormac McCarthy, and - oddly - that Mr. McCarthy "deserves" to have bad things said about him. That is all old news.

What is new news, though, is a that I am going to get to the bottom of this controversy. I have been to the bookstore and I have purchased a copy of The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks and Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy (THAT combo got me some interesting looks at the cash register). I am going to read both of these, and I am going to determine who, in fact, is the better writer. Here is hoping at the end of it all I don't look like this guy!