I got a new Twitter follower

Here he is:

How in holy hell did this person find me?!

I got a new Twitter follower!

And it is a DOOZY:

This is relevant to my interests.

Can these guys please come to DC?

I just saw a link on Twitter for this piece in The Atlantic about how Brazil is dealing with the ongoing issue of cars blocking crosswalks.  Our wise South American friends are sending beefcakes in to teach these box-blocking morons a lesson! 



Take that, you arrogant bastards!  I certainly wish we had these gentlemen here in DC.  I walk almost everywhere, and it really burns my biscuits when people do things like this.  I'd also love to unleash these guys on all the a-holes who ride their bikes on the sidewalk...

Corgi butts

Comedian Paul Scheer recently Tweeted a photo of the best bumper sticker ever, with the caption "Really?! How big is the market for this bumper sticker?"

The answer to your query, Mr. Scheer, is VERY BIG INDEED.

Jose Canseco Is a Genuis

Y'all, if you're not following Jose Canseco on Twitter, you need to get on that right now.  This man alternates between asking deep, probing questions about the meaning of life and dropping planet shattering truth bombs all over the place.  Just recently, in fact, he had some truly thoughtful insights on the fate of that doomed vessel, the Titanic:

You can't make this shit up.  Pure gold, right here.  Never change, Jose!

Via Dlisted

Celeb wisdom

Ice-T hit up Twitter yesterday with some truthiness about ghosts.
Can't pull one over on this guy!

You should be friends with George Takei

George Takei, perhaps best known for playing Mr. Sulu on Star Trek, has one of the better Facebook pages around. You should befriend him on Facebook, and then all his funny posts will appear in your newsfeed and brighten your day! Here's one he just shared with his many, many fans:


Isn't that delightful and clever and funny? He's got a stellar Twitter feed as well. You're welcome.

OMAR IS ALIVE?!

OMG Y'ALL.


City of Baltimore, expect sales of Honey Nut Cheerios to skyrocket!


Via Videogum

Laughter as medicine = NO JOKE!

I was just sitting here freaking the eff out about this sleep study I have to go do tonight, but then I read Buzzfeed's post about the funniest celeb Tweets of the year, and y'all I just LOL'd so hard and I feel better. Here is the one that really had me rolling:


SO GOOD.

Someone's wearing her bad idea jeans

Lindsay Lohan has been tweetin' at noted girlfriend beater Chris Brown.


Linds, I hope you'll leave this one a-lohan.

A message from Soulja Boy

Don't forget!

Have you seen Harry Potter yet?

I have not, but I am a very big Harry Potter fan and while I can't wait to see the final film, I am also dreading the end of the franchise. Luckily some intrepid souls on Twitter have been playing a little game called #GrownUpHarryPotterBooks. Buzzfeed collected their faves:


HA! The comments had more gems:

Harry Potter Realizes he has Become Uncle Vernon

Harry Potter Gets Excited About his New Septic System

Harry Potter Refinances

Crabbe and Goyle Make More Money than Harry Potter

Harry Potter Needs a Gastroenterologist

Harry Potter Wonders if This is All There Is

Yes, Harry. With the end of your books and movies, this is pretty much all there is.

A message to this day

...borrowed from poet Nene Leakes of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.


Yes, Thursday, February 17. You're a trashy whore. Go kick rocks. Kick all the rocks.

A song for lunchtime

This video of Josh Groban crooning sentiments actually tweeted by Kanye West made the rounds yesterday. It is really, really funny.



I imagine a fur pillow WOULD be difficult to sleep on! Probably all scratchy.

I'm not sure why I have not been following Snoop Dogg's Twitter

But I know I'm gonna start now! Right after this moment of silence.

Fun Ophelia's Mom Fact: My mother once referred to Snoop Dogg as "Snut Puppy."

More Andrew WK Party Tips!

Buzzfeed has 101 more party tips from Andrew WK! Sample:


I love these things!

Amazing Things: Andrew WK's Twitter

The magic of Twitter strikes again! I recently began following Andrew WK on Twitter, and his feed is hilarious. He provides motivational advice and helpful tips on making sure you are partying efficiently. I shared with Sydney how much I was enjoying it, and she sent me this link to a Huffington Post piece to show that I am not alone in my intense admiration. I mean, really, how can you deny this man's essential truthiness:


I know how I'll be showering tonight! Party hard, people!