Overheard in my office

This woman from another department just came in my office to drop something off for my boss. After handling me the folder, she bent over, put her face near my stomach, and the following exchange occured:

Her: Is it in there yet?
Me: What?
Her: THE BABY!!!
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?!

I need a raise.

It's hard to beat a long weekend

I just got the marvelous news that the office is closing at 3pm on Friday! Plus we are closed on Monday for the Fourth of July (one of my very fave holidays), AND I am taking off Tuesday to spend some time with Mr. Whams. I'm going to celebrate by finding a nice park and enjoying some sunshine, just like this sweet doggie:


Here are 24 more doggies taking some time for a nice swing.

David's trying to teach me how to post a gif

Let's see if it works:



Courtesy of Animals Being Dicks.

Sleepy Sam Speak

Conversation I had with mah hubs this morning while he was sleeping:

Me: See you tonight! I'm going to work.
Sam: You can tell me... address?
Me: You want to know your address?
Sam: No, YOUR address.
Me: I live on T Street, same as you.
Sam: But... what about the peas?
Me: You want me to bring you peas?
Sam: No, the peas for LATER!
Me: Yep, see you tonight.

Fin.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're back!

All week I've book looking for something inspiring or hilarious enough that I felt compelled to Put It On The Blog, to no avail. Then, this morning, while watching episode 6 of Gabe and Max Like the Internet, I came across this delightful security camera footage from the Clapham Junction station in London:



That's all it took, it turns out, to make me feel like sharing with my 7 readers again... just a really solid video of someone falling down! He fell down SO WELL, did he not?

Pro tip: Take the window seat

Haven't been blogging much lately, as my 7 readers may have noticed. People are continuing to fall down all over the place, and baby animals haven't ceased to do stupid cute stuff, but my mind has been elsewhere as of late. First my mom almost died. Then my uncle actually died. It's all been really, really sad and shitty! And then on my flight home from my uncle's funeral, some guy was putting his suitcase in the overhead bin and dropped it square on my head. It hurt a lot! It was like the physical equivalent of my emotional state, though, so it was also kind of funny!

Anyway, the moral of all this is - take the window seat, where douchebags can't drop things on your noggin. And also go here to watch the trailer for the Muppets movie, which is fun.

Edna Johnston is awesome

I don't know where she found it, but Syd just sent me this:


Edna is my kind of woman.

So, my mom had a minor heart attack. Nuts!

It totally sucked and was really scary, but she's fine now and her heart looks super awesome and her arteries look so amazing they are basically like tiny Heidi Klums snaking all over her bod. Also amazing - cardiologists apparently use their iPhones to take photos of people's innards, cause that's what the doctor used to show me photos of my mother's innards. While he was showing me the photos, a text popped up that said 'So do I induce seizure?' and the doctor sighed and rolled his eyes and gave me this look that was like 'Can you believe these morons I have to put up with?' and I gave him a look back that was like 'Do you seriously make these sorts of decisions via text message on your iPhone?'

Anyway, many many thanks to the doctors and nurses at Women's, River Oaks and St. Dominics Hospitals in Jackson, MS for saving my mother's life and providing the Sams fam the chance to come together and discuss important issues!

Mama: Can you explain to me why Justin Bieber's hair looks like that?
Me: Well, he cut it off recently. It's a lot more normal now.
Mama: Thank God. He looked ridiculous.

Blast from the past: Terry Tate

When I was in college, a close friend of mine introduced me to the short-lived web series Terry Tate: Office Linebacker. It was some kind of promotional thing Reebok did, but we didn't really care about that - we just liked seeing people getting their asses handed to them. Illegally consuming a few adult beverages, watching these things, and laughing until we cried was one of our favorite things to do. Here is a compilation for you, my dear readers, of the best of Terry Tate: Office Linebacker:



These are actually exponentially funnier to me now that I've spent six years working in office environments. We could really use a Terry Tate around here sometimes.

A very greedy chipmunk

Sounds like a Beatrix Potter tale, doesn't it? This is Eleanor, a chipmunk who lives in the backyard of Great Britain resident Lynne. Eleanor is a major eater and likes to cram her mouth cave with as much food as possible. I can relate!


You saucy minx, Ellie! You keep on eating that corn. Life's short.