Thursday, August 9, 2012

McKayla + Grace = Super Meme!

I was talking with Pete last night about how quicky McKayla Maroney's marvelous bitchface, one of the best things to come out of the London Olympics, had turned into a viral internet sensation.  He pointed out the obvious next step was to combine her pouting mug with that of the best thing put forth by London in 2011 - the miserable visage of royal wedding bridesmaid, Grace van Cutsem!  As is usually the case, I told Peter his wish was my blog-mand, and set out to see if anything could impress McKayla and Grace or cheer them up a bit.

The answer was no.  

An educational cab ride

On Sunday evening, Sam and I headed to 2Amy's with our good friend Doc Boyle.  It was raining and there were no buses in sight, so we decided to splurge on a cab... AND THANK GOD WE DID!  We were treated to one of the most friendly, convivial and delightful cab drivers I've ever encountered.  Here is the conversation we had:

Driver: Where are all of you from?  I'm from right here in the District, I bet you are not!
Sam: I was born in PG County, but I grew up in Northeast.
Me: I'm from Mississippi.
Driver: Oh my goodness.  You are far from home!  That is so far away I can't even think about it. 
Me: Wait til you hear how far away our friend's home is. 
Doc Boyle: Guess where I'm from.
Driver: If it's farther than Mississippi, I can't even think about it.  I cannot even guess.
Doc Boyle: I'm from California.
Driver: Well that's where OJ lives!
Driver: Yeah, that's where OJ lives!  He lives in Brentwood, nice neighborhood.
Sam: I think he lives in prison now, actually.
Driver: Oh that's right!  They finally did get him, didn't they?  You think he killed Nicole?
Doc Boyle: Well, what does the evidence suggest?
Driver: It didn't fit and they had to acquit.  You know what I heard, that they didn't talk about?  His dog was there!  His dog was in the house when she was killed and he saw everything.
Me: How unfortunate for the dog.
Driver: And they got that dog up on the stand, and they said - 'Dog, who killed Nicole?' - and the dog says 'AROOO, WOOF, AROO-OO-OH-OH-OH.'  He got out the O, but he could't say J - so it didn't fit, and they had to acquit!

Unfortunately by then we had arrived at our destination and had to part ways with this gentleman.  We gave him a 120% tip. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


For an entire week now, there has been a livestream Corgi Cam on the internet and I didn't know about it.  This is just so wrong on so many levels.  How did I not hear about this on my long journey across the internets?  How did no one TELL me that this existed?  How did I not just sense that there were corgi pups being broadcast 24/7? 

I could ask these difficult questions all day and get nowhere, so I'll just share this marvelous, magical Corgi Cam with you all now.

Talk about a hump day treat! 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Ophelia's Olympics Highlights

I've just about grown weary of the Olympics, folks.  I watched the women's gymnastics team finals and thoroughly enjoyed them, and got emotional when the 'Fab Five' won gold. But that was a week ago and this crap is STILL. GOING. ON.  NBC is also airing the events in a maddeningly idiotic fashion, showing you 10-15 minutes of one event, switching to another, then another, and so on before finally getting back to whatever it was you turned on the television to see in the first place.  I want to watch diving, NBC.  I do not want to watch beach effing volleyball.

Anyway, here are a few of the things still bringing me pleasure as the Olympics drag on:

1) McKayla Maroney's fantastic bitchface.

She literally causes jaws to drop with her cutting looks (and, you know, incredible vaulting skills).

This young woman is strong, beautiful, self-possessed, at at a mere 16 years old SHE WILL CUT YOUR ASS IF YOU MESS WITH HER.  Love this kid!

2) The continual display by Michael Phelps of wonderfully moronic facial expressions.

Another complaint I have about the Olympics is that there is way too damn much swimming (look, it's the 50 meter!  and the 100 meter!  and the 458 meter!  WHO WILL WIN?!  WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET OUT OF THE POOL AND DRY OFF.), but all those breaststrokes do give us the opportunity to see Phelps look like a total goon.

"BLEEP BLOP HERP DERP DORP."  - Michael Phelps, 2012. 

3) The delightful Dong Dong!

Look at that sweetheart!  This year I learned not only that trampoline is an Olympic sport (as opposed to being the backyard death trap moms everywhere insist it is), but that its greatest athlete is named DONG DONG.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to see this live, because after suffering through about three hours of events I didn't give a rat's ass about and hoping NBC would throw me a bone (a dong dong, if you will!) and show some trampoline, I gave up and watched some Say Yes to the Dress.  No dongs of any kind on that show, just FYI.

4) This photo that's been making the rounds on Facebook of divers mid-execution photoshopped onto toilets.

Speaks for itself.

5) Ryan Lochte's interview skillz.

By far the best thing to come out of the London Olympics is this video of Ryan Lochte.


Ryan's got to go now, as he is late for his Mensa meeting.  

Effective marketing tools

I signed up for Groupon, like everyone else, but mostly I ignore it.  My experience with it has been that I buy the coupons and then never use them, so I've started just deleting the emails without opening them.  Today, however, one just popped up in my inbox with the subject line "SIX BOTTLES OF WINE."

Needless to say, I opened that one.  Way to know your audience, Groupon!

Monday, August 6, 2012

A near miss

As embarrassing and disheartening as it is to totally screw something up, sometimes I think it can be worse to get everything nearly right and just barely miss out on your goal.  I thought that last week as I was watching those poor sad Russian gymnasts weep over getting a silver medal in the team finals at the Olympics.

I also thought it when I saw this picture:

Sigh.  You'll get it next time, kitty!

Muggy Monday

It's a gross day in the District, folks.  Not only is it Monday, it's kind of rainy and damp and hot and just naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarshty.  A friend of a friend posted this on a friend's Facebook, and as a possessor of curly, frizzy hair (thanks, Daddy!), I really relate to it:

Off to find a ponytail holder and some bobby pins...