Ophelia's Olympics Highlights

I've just about grown weary of the Olympics, folks.  I watched the women's gymnastics team finals and thoroughly enjoyed them, and got emotional when the 'Fab Five' won gold. But that was a week ago and this crap is STILL. GOING. ON.  NBC is also airing the events in a maddeningly idiotic fashion, showing you 10-15 minutes of one event, switching to another, then another, and so on before finally getting back to whatever it was you turned on the television to see in the first place.  I want to watch diving, NBC.  I do not want to watch beach effing volleyball.

Anyway, here are a few of the things still bringing me pleasure as the Olympics drag on:

1) McKayla Maroney's fantastic bitchface.

She literally causes jaws to drop with her cutting looks (and, you know, incredible vaulting skills).

This young woman is strong, beautiful, self-possessed, at at a mere 16 years old SHE WILL CUT YOUR ASS IF YOU MESS WITH HER.  Love this kid!

2) The continual display by Michael Phelps of wonderfully moronic facial expressions.

Another complaint I have about the Olympics is that there is way too damn much swimming (look, it's the 50 meter!  and the 100 meter!  and the 458 meter!  WHO WILL WIN?!  WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET OUT OF THE POOL AND DRY OFF.), but all those breaststrokes do give us the opportunity to see Phelps look like a total goon.

"BLEEP BLOP HERP DERP DORP."  - Michael Phelps, 2012. 

3) The delightful Dong Dong!

Look at that sweetheart!  This year I learned not only that trampoline is an Olympic sport (as opposed to being the backyard death trap moms everywhere insist it is), but that its greatest athlete is named DONG DONG.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to see this live, because after suffering through about three hours of events I didn't give a rat's ass about and hoping NBC would throw me a bone (a dong dong, if you will!) and show some trampoline, I gave up and watched some Say Yes to the Dress.  No dongs of any kind on that show, just FYI.

4) This photo that's been making the rounds on Facebook of divers mid-execution photoshopped onto toilets.

Speaks for itself.

5) Ryan Lochte's interview skillz.

By far the best thing to come out of the London Olympics is this video of Ryan Lochte.

 

Ryan's got to go now, as he is late for his Mensa meeting.