Friday, April 30, 2010


One of the things I fear in life is failure. On Wednesday of this week, I purchased the dress I am going to wear at my upcoming wedding. Exciting stuff! But in the photos taken at the store, I totally failed at being good looking. What to do? People wanted to see the dress, but I looked like a total garbage person in the face! My brilliant solution was to use Microsoft Paint to draw a bag over my head. I thought it was great. Sadly, a friend pointed out that my bag sucked cause I forgot to put handles on it. She was totally right. Bag fail on top of a face fail?

UGH. Failure all over the place!

A proposal

Remember in college, how on those first really warm spring days if you were really lucky your professor would out of nowhere be like, "Let's have class outside, gang!" And you'd sit in the sunshine and talk about things you'd read, which was totally your favorite thing to do, and you'd inhale the scent of daffodils, and maybe your crush would happen to walk by and you could get in some eyelash batting time, and the world just seemed so full of rebirth and promise and you just knew that all this reading and talking about it was going to pay off in fabulous ways after graduation and maybe you'd even hook up with Crushy McCrushpants at a house party that weekend!

Anyway, now there's no more of any of that (except afore mentioned crush is now husband-to-be!), so my point is - can we move work outside today? What? No?


Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oh Man, Y'all

This has been a long day! A long week! And it's not over yet!

Stop giving me this bath I don't want, world!

On a bright note, I realized today that when my dear coworker leaves, I will no longer have to constantly ask to borrow her staple remover. It can become MY staple remover. Life is all about silver linings.

Guess the preppy baby name!

I know a very nice lady with an extremely adorable daughter - like, possibly should be illegal she's so good looking. Just ridiculously cute. The kid's name is Riley, which, while also adorable and very fitting for this golden child, is just about as preppy as a little gal's name could be. And the lady in question is preggo again! With another girl! What will this new child's preppy name be? My future mother-in-law has guessed Smith, and I have proposed Parker.

Guesses in the comments, y'all! Winner gets high fives and hugs from me. What could be better than that?

Double take!

Well I'll be gosh-darned! Get a load of this - Van Gogh looks just like Chuck Norris!

People talk all the time about what a badass Chuck Norris is, but he never chopped off his own ear just cause he was sad. Winner in badassery - VAN GOGH ALL THE WAY!!


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Amazing Things: Danny DeVito's Twitter

The internet gives us so many amazing things, y'all. One of the most recent amazing things I've come across on the internet is Danny DeVito's Twitter feed. He has started taking photos of what he refers to as his 'troll foot' in various places and situations (a la the traveling lawn gnome in Amelie), and posting them on Twitter with captions like 'TF by the sea' or 'Troll Foot with Lovers at Coachella.' Here he is in Las Vegas:

See what I mean? Amazing. Run, don't walk, to follow Danny DeVito on Twitter!

I watched The Hills last night

And yep, it was pretty much exactly like this.

Also, Heidi's new face is completely terrifying.

Y'all, this is not okay


This is just not acceptable. Ms. Mallette is responsbile for bringing the phenomenon that is The Biebs into this world. Let's treat her with a bit more respect, yes? I mean, take a look at this kid:

One commenter on hard hitting website Disney Dreaming had this to say:

"justinsboo200 says:
April 6, 2010 at 11:59 pm
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yoooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu is sooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Precisely, justinsboo200. Precisely.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mind = BLOWN

I take back my earlier insinuations that Nicholas Sparks is anything less than a genuis. I am a mere 16 pages into his novel The Last Song, and it's already clear to me that he is a master of wordsmithery. CHECK IT:

"Middle age, he sometimes thought, had made him as reflective as a mirror."

I remember first learning in grade school about similes... but I was not warned about the heights to which they could really take a reader.

I feel like I've been punched in the gut with emotion!

Old News and a New Project

You've already heard about last month's mind blowing USA Today article in which Nicholas Sparks compares himself to some of history's greatest writers. You've already started agog at your computer screen, scrathing your head over whether he could truly believe that "A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That's what I write." And you have heard his disparaging comments about Cormac McCarthy, and - oddly - that Mr. McCarthy "deserves" to have bad things said about him. That is all old news.

What is new news, though, is a that I am going to get to the bottom of this controversy. I have been to the bookstore and I have purchased a copy of The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks and Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy (THAT combo got me some interesting looks at the cash register). I am going to read both of these, and I am going to determine who, in fact, is the better writer. Here is hoping at the end of it all I don't look like this guy!

Just looked at myself in the mirror

And instantly, I heard this in my head:

Monday, April 26, 2010

Faulker said that "was is the saddest word"

This just might be the saddest sign.

There's not much more I can say add to this. Just read it:

Oh wait, there is one thing. Can someone please make sure my wedding write up includes at least one reference to pies in faces? Many thanks.

Goals are so important

There is a small Mexican restaurant in Columbia Heights that is very solid. Good tacos! The owner, a very sweet man, has just told one of my coworkers that he is going to be adding American and Italian foods to his menu, because he wants to be more like The Cheesecake Factory.


Working Girl

Boy oh boy, do I have a case of the Mondays! That is me right now. Wow, I look awful in orange!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Outer Space

A coworker of mine recently observed that since Pluto is no longer a planet, children could no longer employ that handy mnemonic device about well-read matriarchs and pies.

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing.

What a bitch!

Interesting Fact

In March 2010, Iceland outlawed all strip clubs.

In April 2010, Iceland began exploding.

Coincidence? I think not.