Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Folgers is still airing that awful ad

Remember last year, when I freaked the hell out about Folgers updating their classic 'Peter Comes Home for Christmas' holiday commercial and making it all creepy and horrible and weird? Well, they DID NOT pay any attention to my scathing critique because I've already seen the 'revised' version on tv this holiday season. Please revisit my post from last year, but have a barf bucket on hand. That second commercial is as nasty as a McRib.

Pro-tip: Make sure you are wearing a fantastic shirt

...just in case you get arrested and have a mugshot photo taken! Syd sent me this hilarious collection of mugshots with truly wonderful shirts in them. Here are but a few:

I like a man who values his wife!

There really is someone out there for everyone.

Not yet, anyway... but the day in jail is young!


In addition to being EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, all these damn leaves flying all over the place are making me sneeze!

It's annoying, and in some cases - as seen above - rather unnerving.

Hoisted by my own petard!

Well. It goes without saying that at some point, as the author of a blog that derives a great deal of content from videos of people falling down, I was going to fall down myself. And on Thursday night, fall down I did! I slipped on some wet leaves while scurrying across the street, completely lost my balance, fell ass-over-teakettle* and smacked my chin on the sidewalk. It hurt so badly that I thought I'd fractured my jaw, but a trip to the doctor told me my only problem was wounded pride... and a seriously nasty bruise:

I have new empathy for my fellow fallers. I am a fallen woman!

*Phrase copyrighted to P. Chambers, Fall 2003, Soho Square, London.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Shut down all the book awards, the winner is here

R. Kelly, singer, closet dweller and urine afficionado, has written his autobiography!! And if the title is any indication, it's going to be one brilliant read:

It's being released next week, just in time for the holidays! What a lovely, soulful gift.

Sam is cooking!

There's not much I can add to this.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

It's hump day once again!

Don't let the fact that there's half the week left to go get you down. Rejoice in the fact that half of the week is behind you, and slap a smile on your face!

I just want to throw something in his mouth! Maybe a McRib? From my research, McRibs seem to be made at least partially of dog food.

Via Videogum, duh.

What is the big deal about the McRib?

Every few years, the commercials return, blaring the news that 'MCRIB IS BACK!!!' Who are the people who are excited by this? Who are the people who were missing the McRib? I've never had one but the thing looks disgusting to me. I decided to poll my friends about the McRib. Here are some of the responses I got:

It's made out of pig anuses!!!

Delicious. But you know I'm biased! (Ed. note - this respondee is about to marry someone who works for the McDonald's Corporation)

Nasty as s#!^. I liked it when i was 5. tried it again recently. No me gusta.

I'm really confused about how it looks like ribs but there are no bones!

A culinary miracle.

i don't understand what it is. is it meat shaped to look like ribs?





I feel like it's probably a pretty good thing. I like that it looks like a rack of ribs but there's no actual bones. I think that's neat! Are you getting all this? Do I need to repeat anything for you?

People talk about it too much.

Where did the bones go? Why are there no bones?


(barrrrrffffff) (pause) (baaaarrrrfffff)

What a divisive food-like substance the McRib has turned out to be! For the record, I think they are frightening, as I do all McDonald's food. Have y'all seen those McGriddle things? They have 'pockets of syrup.' What the hell is that?!

Overheard in the lobby

I just ran into one of my coworkers in the lobby. She is a fellow curly-haired lady. We had the following exchange.

Her: Hey, did you straighten your hair??
Me: I did! I straightened it this morning!
Her: Isn't it so much fun?
Me: It is!!
Her: Can't you just not stop running your fingers through it?
Me: I CAN'T!!!

If you have curls, you totally get this conversation. If you do not, eff you and your easy ass hair (just kidding, love you!).

Friday, November 4, 2011

A very good joke

I just heard a great joke!

Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A marvelous dancer!

I took dance lessons for ten years. I took tap and jazz and ballet. I loved it, but I was never as good as this prairie dog.

I've considered taking up dancing again, but I'd never reach these sorts of creative heights.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

How was your Halloween?

My Halloween was great fun! Sydney and I dressed up as characters from the movie Heathers. We thought we looked awesome:

Unfortunately, not very many folks seemed to get who we were supposed to be. For example, I just got this email from Syd:

I talked to my mother last night. She said she liked our costumes, even though she didn't know what Heathers were. I was like, "you liked it on facebook! what did you think we were?" And she said, "Croquet playing nannies!"