When you are new at the office, people like to gawk at the stuff you have on display on your desk. Thus far each time someone has been checking out my cube, he or she has said some version of, "Who is the handsome man in that picture?" and I get to say "THAT IS MY HUSBAND." And then my soul makes this face:
And I think, "TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO WERE MEAN TO ME IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! YOU SAID I WAS FUG AND NOW I AM AN ADULT WITH A HAIR STRAIGHTENER AND A HOT HUSBAND!" There is a 100% chance that none of those people even remember me, but whatever.
I've been really trying to step up my weight loss game these past few weeks - sticking to my diet, getting in at least 4 workouts a week, etc. Mostly it's going well, but OH MY GOD I WANT TO CRAM MY FACE WITH ALL THE CARBS.
On a related note, there was a toddler next to me on the train this morning who wouldn't stop staring at me, and we had the following exchange:
Me: Hi there!
Him: I just ate a big big muffin!
Me: F*ck you.
Just kidding! I said, "Oh yay, you're so lucky," or some garbage. But in my head I was like F*CK YOU, you stupid little baby who can eat whatever you want and chub actually looks CUTE on you!
And then I decided I needed to have a little diet break and eat myself some carbs before I actually cursed at a child.
Sam and I recently took the plunge of buying actual tissues to keep in our home. We'd been using toilet paper for nose-blowing for years - as a lady on a budget, Kleenex seemed to me to be something for rich people. Well, with my new job came an increase in salary, and not only did we spring for the multi-pack of tissues, we got the kind with LOTION! Here were Sam's thoughts on the change:
You really feel like a grown up when you stop blowing your nose with your own butt.