I'm not sure this is okay

I continue to be concerned about The Biebs, y'all. He went to HOOTERS over the weekend! And not just any Hooters, but the Hooters at the West Edmondton Mall in Alberta, Canada, which strikes me as perhaps a more depressing Hooters than one's average Hooters. He's only 11 years old, y'all. I just don't think it's appropriate for him to be at a restaurant that is all about breasts.


Then again, seeing as he was probably weaned last week, it is likely quite comforting for him to be surrounded by bosoms. Fine, fine. CARRY ON, BIEBS.

Ed. note - Fun Ophelia fact! Hooters and I were born on the same day. It was a really great day.

Moms continue to be the best

Aren't emails and texts from your mother the best? Yes, they are. The people from hilarious blog Postcards from Yo Momma know what I'm talking about. I just got an email forward from my mother, and it contained this gem:

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP"!

If that's not good advice, I don't know what is.

You know you've hit rock bottom

...when not only are you the subject of the A&E documentary series Intervention, but your episode only gets 2.5 out of 5 stars on Hulu. Ouch!

A Recent Convo

Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: Would you like me to take the price tag off this?
Me: Ma'am, ain't no one but me gonna drink it, and I already know how much it cost.
Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Woman behind me in line at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Me (to myself): I'm so alone.

Fun Ophelia Fact

I have a tremendously difficult time telling my right from my left. People always scoff at this and say that one just has to hold up each hand with the thumb and forefinger at perpindicular angles, and the left one will make an L. WRONG. They BOTH make an L. One of them is just a backwards L, which only confuses me further.

I also can't add or subtract things that involve the number 9.

Odd development - I like football

Growing up I couldn't stand football. In the deep south it's all anyone seems to give a hoot about, and since I was determined to have nothing to do with the place from whence I came, I said 'NO THANK YOU' to football for years. But then I moved in with a guy who really, really likes to watch football. And lo and behold - it turns out I ALSO like watching football! I'm not entirely sure why - though the basic tenets are easy enough for a goon like me to grasp, there are a lot of really random and obscure rules that mean I often don't entirely understand what's going on. The announcers generally annoy the bejesus out of me. I find the cheerleader aspect pretty gross. So what's the appeal?


OOOH LAWD! Perhaps it's inadventently homoerotic moments such as this.

Jokes

It's come to my attention that my basement apartment has acquired a new odor after our recent flooding incident - there is one corner of our bedroom where some water came in and it smells like mildew. Gross! Plus, like all nerds, I have chronic sinus issues, so I am concerned about this situation not only from a stank perspective, but a health one as well. I took to the interwebs to figure out how best to remedy the sitch... but quickly got distracted, as after typing in 'clean mil,' Google's autocomplete feature offered me 'clean military jokes.'

...what? Clearly this had to be investigated. Screw the mildew. Here, dear readers, for your laffing pleasure, is the latest in clean military jokes:

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

WHOO BOY. WOWZA. That is one seriously unfunny joke! It's really kind of depressing how not funny it is! I've just noticed the site also offers categories of 'Irish Jokes' and 'Mexican Jokes,' but I don't really feel like cutting myself today so I think I'm just going to go back to my mildew research.