Good photo to have on hand

Just in case you need it. You know, in conversation. Or whenever!

Here's a dude in a beer box hat doing a dance

GEAUX LSU?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Glee Recap, Ophelia Style!

My main takeaway from last night's Glee is that apparently, this season is only about abs:


I am taking donations for lipsuction, if anyone wants to contribute!

These Glee tribute episodes are never that great. Don't get me wrong - any Glee is better than no Glee! But so often in the tribute episodes, the songs are shoved in with a paper thin storyline that just feels forced. At least in the Madonna and Lady Gaga installments the cast was presented with some material that allowed them the opportunity to stretch their vocal chords - all this one really did was remind America, in case we forgot, that Britney Spears can't sing. Is she a pop culture icon? Sure. Is she a 90s sex symbol? Yes, especially before that unfortunate weave started eating her head. Is she one of the better dancers I've ever seen? Absolutely. But she cannot sing, her songs are the product of autotune gone wild, and in a show about singing MAYBE A BRITNEY SPEARS TRIBUTE EPISODE IS NOT THE BEST CHOICE!!!

My goodness, I am very worked up about this, it turns out! I know how to calm down:


Mmmm, that's better. Next week on Glee: who knows, but I bet it'll be ab-riffic.

I'm not sure why I have not been following Snoop Dogg's Twitter

But I know I'm gonna start now! Right after this moment of silence.

Fun Ophelia's Mom Fact: My mother once referred to Snoop Dogg as "Snut Puppy."

Ophelia's Football Coverage - Week 3!

Well, it was a hell of a football weekend in the Sams-Whittington casa. And by that I mean the Saints lost in overtime after a nail biter of a game, but I couldn't tell you a damn thing about it because it was not broadcast up here in this hellish Yankee wasteland to which I've exiled myself. NOT COOL.

And, predictably, Sam's team managed to totally eff up a game they should have easily won. Rams - 30, Redskins - 16, DC - Tears.

So instead, here is a video my dear friend Ben sent me last week. Thanks, Ben!



See you next week, football fans!

Product of public school system makes billboard

...in South Bend, IN. This bit of breaking news was just sent to me by my mother.

Billboard has "pubic" mistake

Today really, really needs more corgis

How about 2 of them, playing in the snow?



Many thanks to blog Best Week Ever for brightening my day with these stumpy legged creatures!

Wanna know what kind of day I'm having?

This kind:

An actual thing that happened at work

Background info - Cassie is my officemate. Coworker 2 is a very nice person. Coworker 1 is a person.

Coworker 1: CASSIE!
Me: Yes?
Coworker 2: Coworker 1, that's Amelia.
Coworker 1: I'm sorry, Amanda!

TV Recap: GLEE!

Glee, the best thing to ever happen to my television, RETURNED last night, y'all! So much happened. So many songs were sung. So many hot moves were made. Here is my recap!


See you next week, folks!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bronx man finds 3-foot-long corn snake coiled comfortably on his toilet seat

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OKAY

Football - The Ophelia Coverage Continues!

I know you are relieved! Here are my comments on FOOTBALL.
1) Redskins loss to Texans - :(
2) Saints beat some random team from the West Coast no one cares about - :) WOOOO GEAUX SAINTS WHO DAT DREW BREES IS HOT TESTOSTERONE OTHER MANLY COMMENTS
3) This:


Erotic.

And that's all I have to say about football this week. Back with more scintillating commentary next week, readers!

Wedding photography

I am mildly concerned about my upcoming wedding photos. I can't stand to look at pictures of myself - the older I get, the less photogenic I become. However, as long as they come out looking like this, I won't complain.

I grew up listening to a lot of jazz

Apparently this guy did too!

I'm not sure this is okay

I continue to be concerned about The Biebs, y'all. He went to HOOTERS over the weekend! And not just any Hooters, but the Hooters at the West Edmondton Mall in Alberta, Canada, which strikes me as perhaps a more depressing Hooters than one's average Hooters. He's only 11 years old, y'all. I just don't think it's appropriate for him to be at a restaurant that is all about breasts.


Then again, seeing as he was probably weaned last week, it is likely quite comforting for him to be surrounded by bosoms. Fine, fine. CARRY ON, BIEBS.

Ed. note - Fun Ophelia fact! Hooters and I were born on the same day. It was a really great day.

Moms continue to be the best

Aren't emails and texts from your mother the best? Yes, they are. The people from hilarious blog Postcards from Yo Momma know what I'm talking about. I just got an email forward from my mother, and it contained this gem:

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP"!

If that's not good advice, I don't know what is.

You know you've hit rock bottom

...when not only are you the subject of the A&E documentary series Intervention, but your episode only gets 2.5 out of 5 stars on Hulu. Ouch!

A Recent Convo

Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: Would you like me to take the price tag off this?
Me: Ma'am, ain't no one but me gonna drink it, and I already know how much it cost.
Woman behind the counter at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Woman behind me in line at the wine shop: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Me (to myself): I'm so alone.

Fun Ophelia Fact

I have a tremendously difficult time telling my right from my left. People always scoff at this and say that one just has to hold up each hand with the thumb and forefinger at perpindicular angles, and the left one will make an L. WRONG. They BOTH make an L. One of them is just a backwards L, which only confuses me further.

I also can't add or subtract things that involve the number 9.

Odd development - I like football

Growing up I couldn't stand football. In the deep south it's all anyone seems to give a hoot about, and since I was determined to have nothing to do with the place from whence I came, I said 'NO THANK YOU' to football for years. But then I moved in with a guy who really, really likes to watch football. And lo and behold - it turns out I ALSO like watching football! I'm not entirely sure why - though the basic tenets are easy enough for a goon like me to grasp, there are a lot of really random and obscure rules that mean I often don't entirely understand what's going on. The announcers generally annoy the bejesus out of me. I find the cheerleader aspect pretty gross. So what's the appeal?


OOOH LAWD! Perhaps it's inadventently homoerotic moments such as this.

Jokes

It's come to my attention that my basement apartment has acquired a new odor after our recent flooding incident - there is one corner of our bedroom where some water came in and it smells like mildew. Gross! Plus, like all nerds, I have chronic sinus issues, so I am concerned about this situation not only from a stank perspective, but a health one as well. I took to the interwebs to figure out how best to remedy the sitch... but quickly got distracted, as after typing in 'clean mil,' Google's autocomplete feature offered me 'clean military jokes.'

...what? Clearly this had to be investigated. Screw the mildew. Here, dear readers, for your laffing pleasure, is the latest in clean military jokes:

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

WHOO BOY. WOWZA. That is one seriously unfunny joke! It's really kind of depressing how not funny it is! I've just noticed the site also offers categories of 'Irish Jokes' and 'Mexican Jokes,' but I don't really feel like cutting myself today so I think I'm just going to go back to my mildew research.

Overheard in our kitchen

Sam: I don't know if I should eat more.
Me: Are you still hungry?
Sam: I'm not hungry, but I'm not full... and I LOVE EATING!!

Quaaludes and donut sammies

I find Quaaludes to be pretty funny, as retro recreational drugs go. Did you know that a common slang term for them in the 1970s was "disco biscuits"? Silly old 'lude poppers! Anyway, the intimation that Paula Deen is on Quaaludes makes this video about a nightmare sandwich all the more amusing:

This day is really lacking in corgi puppy stampedes

NOT ANYMORE!!

Snooki went to the park

...to do some light reading.

Things that are The Best: Interspecies Friends

My icy heart just thawed a bit looking at this photo.

Syd continues to kill it

...with the finding of the awesome blogs. Today's gem from Syd is Jersey Circus. I despise The Family Circus, but add in a lil Jersey Shore and WHAMMO! New favorite thing!


See? Comedic gold.

Remind me to wear green tomorrow

I was walking to work this morning when I passed a totally normal looking middle aged woman. She was wearing a green t-shirt. The shirt said:

GREEN SHIRTS ARE FOR PIMPS.

I like that woman.