Helpful Turns of Phrase

I'd like to share with you two sayings that I find really handy to have in my verbal arsenal. Both come, naturally, by way of my mother.

One of my mom's coworkers has a delightful way of classifying women who are wearing skanky or slutty outfits. "That girl," she says, "is either on the pole, or on the stroll." I've been doing my best to spread this system of classifying hos far and wide, and I encourage you to do the same!

The next comment is rather related - my great-grandmother Jack used it to refer to someone whose clothing was too small: "That looks like 10 pounds of ham in a 5 pound bag." Jack herself was a svelte woman, and was a firm believer in clothes that fit properly.

There you have it, friends! I hope you will take these phrases and use them in conversation - your next cocktail party, work meeting, or church potluck are perfect examples of times to do so. I guarantee they will be a huge hit.