Office supplies

How appropriate that these should arrive on Administrative Professionals Day!

I wonder who Gregg was.  Glad to know he ruled.  RIP, Gregg.

This is just a great way to spend 7.5 minutes

This was an actual thing!  This was a contest and it was broadcast on national television, pre-empting other programming!

What a magical time!

It's Administrative Professionals Day!

Here is a card for all my fellow administrative pros!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZING! Also here is a conversation I heard a fellow member of the steno pool have with someone earlier:

SP Member: The stapler on the copier is broken, but I can just do these by hand.
Other Person: But that won't look as nice.  They won't all look the same.
SP Member: I'm confident I can staple them gracefully enough.  It'll be okay.

I can see!

I went to the eye doctor this morning for the first time in probably 2 years.  Turns out, my eyes have gotten significantly worse in that time, and I got a new prescription for glasses and contacts.

Here is what I was like before:

Here's what I was like in the office, after they slapped in the stronger suckers:

But then I walked outside, and everything was just so sharp and crisp and WAY TOO REAL.  It's very overwhelming.  So now I'm kind of like this in reaction to everything:



And that's the story of my trip to the optometrist.

A photo of a smiling fluffy corgi puppy

This seemed like as good a way as any to start off a Friday.

True story: I was walking home past the dog park and saw the cutest corgi, and said "Hello, Mister Corgi!" through the fence and he smiled at me and then took a massive crap and even with waste coming out the back of him he was still freaking adorable.  These are truly remarkable animals.  

And here I thought Oprah was off the air!

Turns out - nope, she's apparently still around... and helping people all over to change their lives for the better!

Wonder if Nate Berkus will go to add some decorative zazz to the place?  Let's just hope the surprise under their chairs is new cars so they all can drive the eff out of there. 

Jose Canseco Is a Genuis

Y'all, if you're not following Jose Canseco on Twitter, you need to get on that right now.  This man alternates between asking deep, probing questions about the meaning of life and dropping planet shattering truth bombs all over the place.  Just recently, in fact, he had some truly thoughtful insights on the fate of that doomed vessel, the Titanic:

You can't make this shit up.  Pure gold, right here.  Never change, Jose!

Via Dlisted

Pick me up from Pete

Pete heard through the grapevine (kidding, it was from me, cause I was whining) that I was down, so he sent me a link to this great post called LAWYER DOG!

Thanks, Pete!  A corgi lawyer was just what this Monday afternoon needed.  More Lawyer Dog gems, here.

Could be worse

When I was a child, Reading Rainbow was my jam - and James Stevenson's Could Be Worse! was one of my very favorite books from the show.  In it, a grandfather spins a wild tale of misadventures, from an encounter with an abominable snowman to being chased by a blob of preserves, to make his grandchildren feel better about their current problems. On a day when I am feeling down in the dumps and being, I'm sure, insufferably whiny, I thought it prudent to make my own version of ways things COULD BE WORSE!

I could be on an airplane next to a fat dude with no pants:

That would be worse.

I could be employed as an elephant poop collector:

That would be worse.

I could still have my unibrow:

That would be WAY worse.  That thing was awful.

I could be Tyler Clippard.  EMBARASSING!



Oof.

Y'all got any other ways things could be worse?  Share them in the comments, please!

TGIF, y'all!

Several folks sent me this fantastic post from Buzzfeed called '33 Animals Who Are Extremely Disappointed In You.'  It was an enjoyable group of photos full of cute animals looking grumpy - but I also found it to be a great representation of what I looked like throughout this week!

Here's me on Monday:

On Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

And now here's me, today, on Friday! 

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Clean up!

This nice corgi is doing a great job of sprucing himself up for spring!



Sydney sent me this, naturally.  If it's a great dog video or pic, Syd is gonna find it!

From the files of truly awful commercials

Speaking of public (and ought to be illegal) dumping, have y'all seen this totally horrific Luvs diaper commercial where babies take giant cartoon poops and get rated on them?



IT IS DEPLORABLE.  I may hate it even more than those Charmin commericals, which are a disgrace to both toilet paper and bears.  Luckily I am not the only person who thinks this diaper commercial stinks to high heaven.  From Time magazine:

A Consumerist reader poll officially declared that Luvs Diapers’ “Poop, There It Is” commercial is the Absolute Worst Ad in America.


The ad, which features an animated baby talent show where the judges assign scores based on how much fecal matter each of the three grunting tots can dump into their diapers, earned slightly more than 32% of the vote.

Parents, do not buy these diapers, and if your child is really crapping that much, return it to the store and demand a new model, cause there is something wrong with it. 

When you gotta go...

DC neighborhood blog Prince of Petworth has just shared this sign someone posted in the Mount Vernon area, which is not too far from my place.

I've only seen someone poop in public* once, but I see people pee in public quite frequently.  What's the strangest thing you've seen someone do in broad daylight in front of, as we like to say down south, God and everybody?

*I recently proposed to Sam that we get rid of some furniture by leaving it on the sidewalk with a 'free' sign on it and he said, "But that's illegal dumping!" and I lol'd so hard cause I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

Tumblr Time!

Oh my goodness.  It's been some time since we've had a truly hilarious Tumblr featured on OEIA, but thanks to my buddy Lindsey, that drought is now OVER.  Presenting... Old People Writing on a Restaurant's Facebook Page!!!  A few highlights:

I could go on all day.  Just go read all these, because they are all hysterical.

Give yourself a spring treat

It's spring, y'all, and you know what that means - SPRING CLEANING!  But don't just clean your house.   Now is the time to give yourself a little freshening up.  Treat yourself to a day at the spa!

If an all-out spa extravaganza is out of your budget (it certainly is out of mine), even a simple haircut can go a long way to making you feel refreshed and ready to tackle a new season.

Gorgeous!  Now go stop and smell the tulips. 

A gift from Goo

My loving big sister, Goo, made me a mix cd for my birthday!  As I've mentioned in previous posts, she's always had a big influence on my musical tastes and has been making me mixes since I was about 10 years old.  She does a fantastic job of mixing new things she knows I will love with classics from our childhood and jams to which we grooved in our teen years... and, occasionally, a surprise.

This time, the surprise was a doozy.  It was Ray Stevens, the Weird Al of country music.  Yeehaw!



Goo and her greatness makes me jump pews and shout HALLELUJAH!

Celeb wisdom

Ice-T hit up Twitter yesterday with some truthiness about ghosts.
Can't pull one over on this guy!