GOURD SOURCE Begins!

Welcome to GOURD SOURCE, your one and only source for all the latest gourd news that Pete wants me to post!

Pete loves gourds. Here is the conversation where I discovered this:

me: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-decorative-gourd-season-motherfuckers
Pete: you know i love gourds
me: i did not
you'll love that piece, then
Pete: i'm going to construct an all-gourd reenactment of your wedding
i expect it will look something like this:


me: wow, my wedding was really lumpy
Pete: it's not dissimilar to the diorama i built celebrating the celtics 2007 nba championship


me: does that count as blackface?
Pete: not if its with gourds

That's it for this edition of GOURD SOURCE. Stay tuned for more riveting posts about gourds!

A Modern Stopette Story

One of my family's favorite things to do is recount stories we've told countless times before, and laugh as hysterically at them as we did the first time. Growing up at good old number 339, there were many tales that were the stuff of legend - ones Goo and I would beg our parents to tell us again and again. Things like the details of one of Mama's high school boyfriends who took her to watch tv at the department store for dates, or the time Daddy saw their neighbor come home drunk, be unable to unlock his door, and subsequently scratch his butt and pick his nose on his front porch. But nothing - NOTHING - beat what was known as 'The Stopette Story.' I can never get all the details right, but basically when a close relative who may or may not have been my father was in his early teens, he got his close friend to defecate in a box. He then sprayed the box with Stopette brand deoderant, wrapped it up, and gave it to his cousin for her tenth birthday.


Anyway, I was just channel surfing and landed on this Donald Glover stand up special on Comedy Central, and he told what I consider to be a latter day Stopette type yarn. Enjoy, readers!

Happy corgis!

My week was made recently when Leah sent me one of the most heartwarming internet photo roundups I've ever seen: Buzzfeed's '40 Things That Make Corgis Happy.' Just look at these sweet, smiling pups having a great time and try not to feel uplifted! Here are but a few highlights:

Corgis love mail! I can really relate to this one - in this day and age, getting real mail is a delight.


Corgis love riding in cars with pals! This one was Syd's fave.


Corgis love eating peanut butter! I, too, love peanut butter, particularly right out of the jar.


And finally, corgis love tractors! I'm from the country so obviously I love tractors too.


In conclusion, corgis continue to be the absolute best.

Unusual Town Names: Monkeys Eyebrow, KY

This great and very unusual town name is a favorite of my good friend Sydney! She is the one who clued me in to the existence of Monkeys Eyebrow, KY years ago, and I'm thrilled to share it with all of my dear readers now.


Like many of my other oddly named towns, there's not a ton of information about Monkeys Eyebrow. It's an unincorporated community on the western side of Kentucky in Ballard County, and no one seems sure how it got its great name. Some say that a map of the county resembles a monkey's head, and Monkeys Eyebrow is - you guessed it - where the eyebrow would be. Monkeys Eyebrow does have a Wikipedia article, which features this riveting tale of its history:

There were two Monkey's Eyebrows, commonly known as Old Monkey and New Monkey. One was at the top of a small hill, the other at the bottom. There were stores at both locations. Today, there are no stores.

Well that's kind of a bleak ending. Guess you have to go to nearby Possum Trot to do your shopping.

This cat is very like my husband

Sam requires a lot of attention. So does this kitty!



Via Videogum.

A lazy magnolia

Hey Mama and Pete (and any other readers who may be out there)! My deepest apologies for not posting regularly, or at all, as of late. I could say I've been very busy at work, which is true. I could say I've been making an effort to ensure I spend more time with friends, which is also true. I could say I've been feeling uninspired and rather mentally stagnant, which ain't no lie. But what it really all boils down to is that I'm just remarkably, incredibly, historically lazy. So no more lying down on the blog! Here come the posts of animals doing adorable things, people falling down, weird town names, and - at the rabid request of 50% of my readership - a regular feature concerning news about gourds. I am not making that up.

Love y'all!

This baby and I want the same thing

WOOF, y'all! I just paid my student loan bill for this month. I don't like parting with money unless it's for things like food and wine. Or clothes. Or shoes. Or travel. Or pretty much anything else besides bills. BUT I DIGRESS. I want a lot of money, just like this baby.



Mildly related, Pete and I made up an emoticon once named 'Moneymouth.' He looks like this: :$

Via Videogum.

Effing Mannings

You know what really used to piss me off? When I was in college, all my friends who went to Ole Miss would swoon about over Eli Manning, who was a student and football player there at the time. They would call me up and squeal about how they'd seen him in the student union and he was just "soooooooo fine!" and it would just BURN MY BISCUITS. Because I will admit the kid is a fantastic football player, but there is just no way in hell he is good looking. He looks, as my dear friend Dave put it, like an 11 year old special needs kid. I think this post sums it up perfectly with the headline "ELI MANNING MAKES MOST ELI MANNING FACE EVER."

Wait for it...


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here it is!


Ugh. Awful. Go away, Mannings.

Thanks to Leah for alerting me to this fantastic photo of Eli Manning being fugly and stupid and not hot AT ALL.

Sleepy Sam Speak

This morning, I bid Sam farewell as he slept, and we had the following conversation:

Me: Bye! I'm going to work!
Sam: I don't want the big one.
Me: Okay.
Sam: I want the little one.
Me: Okay, I'll get you the little one.
Sam: No, I HAVE the little one.
Me: Okay, so I'll get you the big one.
Sam: No, I don't want the big one!
Me: So what do you want?
Sam: (heaves great sigh) You don't understand!

Fin.