I love to do lists

This seems as good a list of activities to follow as any! I mean, it's pretty much the average Tuesday afternoon for me anyway.

Via awesome new website The Hairpin.

The danger of judging people harshly

So here I was just sitting and listening to this AV tech guy jabber on his phone and thinking what a DWEEB this dude was. He was reminding me of this horrible man with whom I once shared an office for about a year and who shall remain nameless, and who was just the worst dweeb. This AV dweeb is at least nice and friendly, though. Office dweeb was mean and sexist and rude and also did not seem to bathe on even a semi-regular basis. But anyway, I was wrong to think that AV dude was a dweeb, because I just heard him say:

"It's really unfortunate that Wipeout is not on Hulu."

Turns out AV Dweeb is actually AV Kindred Spirit. High fives to you, fellow fan of things that are awesome!

Some cuteness before I go

I am about to head to the airport with the rest of the steno pool to go to Austin, TX for the National Preservation Conference. Fun Ophelia fact - I nerd out over old thangs! Anyhoodle, posting will be light while I am there, so I wanted to leave you with this ridiculously adorable image I found last night while cleaning out my email. My wonderful friend Whitney sent it to me some time back. I encourage you to grab hold of something before you look at THIS:


HOLY CRAP THAT IS CUTE!!!!!!!! Are you okay? Did you fall out of your chair from the cute? If you hit your head, please don't sue me. I don't have any money. And what I do have, I need for breast implants to properly fill out my wedding dress.

Some advice from the finale of Jersey Shore

I have always thought that Vinny ranks as the most intelligent of the Jersey Shore cast members.


I love being right!

Fears and laughter

I'm really scared of robots. I feel certain they will take over and kill us all. When you are afraid, it's good to laugh to take your mind off it. So I made up a joke:

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven was a robot.

Helpful Turns of Phrase

I'd like to share with you two sayings that I find really handy to have in my verbal arsenal. Both come, naturally, by way of my mother.

One of my mom's coworkers has a delightful way of classifying women who are wearing skanky or slutty outfits. "That girl," she says, "is either on the pole, or on the stroll." I've been doing my best to spread this system of classifying hos far and wide, and I encourage you to do the same!

The next comment is rather related - my great-grandmother Jack used it to refer to someone whose clothing was too small: "That looks like 10 pounds of ham in a 5 pound bag." Jack herself was a svelte woman, and was a firm believer in clothes that fit properly.

There you have it, friends! I hope you will take these phrases and use them in conversation - your next cocktail party, work meeting, or church potluck are perfect examples of times to do so. I guarantee they will be a huge hit.

The other thing keeping me busy

...is,of course, the wedding. Save the dates are in the mail, a wedding website has been started, and I hired a wedding planner to help me with a lot of the questions of decor, food, wine, and not looking like a tacky a-hole. Luckily, my taste in clothing is impeccable. I've been able to narrow down my dress options to two choices, but I am now at an impasse. Gentle readers, can you please help me decide which of these two gorgeous gowns I should wear at my upcoming marriage to one Mr. Sammy Sue?

Option A:

Option B:

What do you think, folks? Please share your thoughts in the comments. And remember - we're going for tasteful here!

I'm not dead, y'all!

Things have just been really hairy in the steno pool as of late, making it difficult for me to bring y'all up to date Bieber news and photos of cute animals and videos of people falling down. Several months ago, I did a Google image search for 'steno pool.' Oddly, this was one of the first things to come up:


Oddly, it kinda fits.

Keep on trucking, readers! I'll be back on my usual schedule of scintillating posts in no time.

Breaking Bieber News, Y'all

And this one is SERIOUS. Many thanks to Sydney for passing along this disturbing development.


Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile

Be vigilant out there, readers.

This is me today

Cassie and I are NOT having a good day in the steno pool so far! Here is what our day looks like:

I love puns

And therefore, I love Yan:


Via Dlisted.

The Ophelia Movie?

If a buddy romp comedy was made about my life, I think it would definitely be called Dude, Where's My Corkscrew?

Halloween Idea - Slutty Baby

In doubt about what to put your 3-6 month old little gal in for Halloween? How about dressing her up as a slut!


Ugh, put it away, ladies - no one wants to see that! Naturally these costumes are for sale on Etsy, a super great place to find handmade nightmares.

The most secretarial thought I've ever had

I really and truly just had this thought:

"OMG, a new pack of Post-It flags! YES!!!"

And with that, I established myself as Queen of the Steno Pool.

Glee Recap, Ophelia Style - Week 3

Well, I'd love to recap last night's Glee for my devoted readers, but I'm too busy WEEPING, which I have been doing since Kurt sang "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" last night. Seriously, that scene was on par with the first 10 minutes of Up (WARNING: ONLY WATCH THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF UP IF YOU ARE PREPARED FOR SOME SERIOUS SOBBING. I MEAN IT: FETCH ALL THE KLEENEX BEFOREHAND.) on the making Ophelia cry like a baby scale. This episode was great and amazing but also WOOF I was not adequately prepared to cry that much. One of the characters probably should have stepped out of the tv and offered me a hanky before Chris Colfer (SOMEONE GET THAT KID AN EMMY, SERIOUSLY) began to sing. Which one should it have been...


Ah, phew. I feel less sad now.

Biebs moves one step closer to world domination

He's seriously gonna wind up being the Grand Poobah of the Planet. From Deadline:

MTV is finalizing a deal to bring back its signature series Punk'd with teen superstar Justin Bieber as the new host...Bieber is currently the hottest music artist/personality for MTV's target teen audience. In addition to his skyrocketing music career, he recently dabbled into acting with a guest stint on the season premiere of CBS' CSI and parts in Saturday Night Live skits.

It might be advisable to wear a pot or a metal colander on your head, or perhaps some tinfoil. I'm pretty sure the next step for The Biebs will be mind control.

Sometimes, it's a good thing to be afraid

Who, as a kid, did not fantasize about swinging so high that you go in a full circle? I know I did, and it was one of my earliest tastes of those delicious moments when you contemplate doing something that is exciting and foolhardy. Luckily, I was a TOTAL WUSS as a kid and my fear overcame my desire to do something really, really stupid.



This young man should have been more afraid, perhaps.

Via BestWeekEver

Hump Day!

Oh, y'all, it's Wednesday. Thank ass, am I right? Halfway to the weekend! Shall we dance in celebration?



I sent this to my sister Goo last Hump Day, and she shared a wonderful story about her time in the Greenwood High School Marching Band:

When I was in the GHS band, one year we played T.L. Weston in Greenville, which was a truly thugged-out place. Their band played this song at halftime. The choreography was the lewdest thing I'd ever seen. They were practically having sex on the field. (Our director was not having that; we played the theme from "Aladdin.") When we left, the T.L. Weston kids threw rocks and bottles at our bus. All of this actually happened.

A quick internet search has shown me the sad news that T.L. Weston High School no longer exists, having been consolidated with another school. Another reminder that nothing gold can stay.

One of Ophelia's Heroes: Dan Savage

I don't really have any words that could accurately describe how great the It Gets Better Project is. Luckily, I don't need to - it speaks for itself.

The internet: There when you need it

I was having a bad day, and somehow the internet knew, and produced this video.



Thank you, internet! I can now tackle the afternoon with my chin up... and periodically twitching my nose.

I have always loved the Feud

...but maybe never more than now.



PS. This woman also had her work cut out for her... WTF is a para-educator?

Best photo ever of the day

It's not going to get any better than this, folks. It's all downhill from here.

More evidence that Arizona is the worst state

I have an irrational dislike for the entire state of Arizona, solely because someone for whom I don't care too much lives there. Because it produced this individual, whenever I hear someone talking about Arizona I think, "Ugh. Arizona is THE WORST."


Oh, looks like I am right!

Today is an extremely special day

Today is the day that Sydney was born. The importance of her presence in the world cannot be overstated. I truly cannot imagine my life without her, as she is my partner in crime. Look, here we are keeping it real and ADDRESSING THE HATERS:


She's a store bought woman, and she makes me sing like a guitar hummin. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYD!!!

Fine print

A convo:
me: my stapler isn't working
does that mean i can go home?
Cassie: yes
it does
that is in our job descriptions
in the event your stapler doesn't work
you may leave

The most patriotic image ever

THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!


They do fly, apparently.

A happy video for Friday

If you're not familiar with Maru the Box Cat, he's a YouTube superstar who lives in Korea and likes to play in boxes. He is also fat and adorable. I'm kind of in love with him.



As always, the commenters on YouTube have some truly insightful things to say. Alert user dendara100 says "cats are good at streamlining their bodies and jumping." Well that is correct, dendara100! They sure are!