This one's for the food lovers

Do you know anyone who doesn't like cheese? I just know one such person. She's a total sack of crap. Cheese is the best, and so is Tumblr Cheese People. Let's check it out, shall we?


So good.

This one's for the book lovers

Next we have Better Book Titles.

Here's a book I can't stand:


LOLOLOL.

Here's a book I adore:


Still LOLOLOL.

Let's all make our own!!

This one's for the LAY-DEEZ!

Buzzfeed has an amazing post about the best new Tumblrs of 2010! I had all these plans to have a hot night of falling asleep on the couch while watching Law & Order: SVU reruns, but now I'm just going to be reading hilarious Tumblrs for ages... and sharing the ones that really strike my fancy with you, of course! Some of our old faves like Holy Maury Mother of God, Hungover Owls, and Catalog Living are highlighted, but I'm discovering many new gems in this post as well! Strictly for my lady readers, here's Time of the Month Tiger. It's hit and miss, but when it's funny, it's really great:


That one really made me el-oh-el.

Huge news about people falling down!

Y'ALL. I can't believe I have neglected to share this with you for so long. We all thought we'd be waiting until summer for Wipeout to return, languishing in the cold months with no people falling down on national television AT ALL. I am so pleased to report that this is NOT THE CASE.



THANK YOU LORD! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!

A great deal on a hotel room

On Tuesday, Mama, Daddy, Goo and I were returning from lunch at one of our very favorite places, The Crown Restaurant in Indianola. Indianola is another small Delta town not too far from Greenwood, and is the birthplace of B.B. King. While heading out of town, I noticed that the sign at the Indianola Travel Inn, the type of motel that always boasts it has both air conditioning and HBO in its rooms, had lost a key letter. The sign read:

ENJOY FREE HO IN ROOM.

What a steal of a deal!

A quotable teacher

Being back in Mississippi has flooded Goo and me with memories of our youth, as it always does. Goo recalled earlier this week a marvelous saying from her 5th grade teacher, who was a staunchly religious woman. If anyone in class was heard taking the Lord's name in vain, the teacher would fix the offending party with a cold stare and say, "God won't help you, but he WILL strike you down!"

Let's all start saying that, yes?

Letters to Santa

Every year on Christmas Eve, my hometown newspaper publishes a charming little booklet called 'Letters to Santa,' in which local products of the public school system show off their reading and writing skills by composing missives to St. Nick detailing what they'd like for the holidays. The arrival of this publication is always greeted with great delight in my household. I'd like to share some of this year's highlights with you. These are reproduced exactly as they appear in the paper.

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is Call of Duty bay blade yo-yo Dsi game Chrouler Modr siki with a red man Nurf gui with a stiky buit.
Love,
Lousious

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is guitar rac game train sister sab the cat Doll Bike sab the san cah.
Love,
Anthony

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is I wo v sik In Sugn tv n toseto see I live in A2 Bike Barbie Doll I wot socntoc Bus in wot a gocs.
Love,
Myra

Dear Santa,
For Christmas I want a Horse, PS3, next a lifetime supply of pizza, and $100.00. I want these items because I could play halo reach with the PS3. I could ride the horse and I could feed the horse the supply of pizza. Last, I would put the $100.00 in my rainy day fund.
Your friend,
Dallas

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is a big truck, some cars, 2 French fries and 2 chicken nuggets. I have cookies and milk for you.
Love,
Trenton

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is: Power-Wheel Spiderman Truck Spiderman Banana Pudding.
Quintarius

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL!!

Thank goodness Pete's semester is over

Pete has finished his third semester of law school, y'all! YAY PETE! And not a moment too soon, cause we have not been able to talk much as he prepped for finals, and that was not much fun for me. But now he is BACK, and he has returned with guns blazing by sending me this video:



We Three Kings is a good carol, isn't it? Loving the choir's dedication here. Keep the holiday cheer coming, Pete!

Ed. note - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's been removed! Well, it was really really funny. And if you missed seeing it, it just goes to show - things move quickly here at OEIA. Try to keep up.

An exceptional invitation

...was waiting for my in my email inbox this morning!

Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl Viewing Party


amelia,

Can't get a ticket to watch the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl in person? Why not watch it at our house!
We are hosting a viewing party on Tuesday, December 21st from 7pm EST-Close.

During the game we are offering:

Free Chips & Salsa OR $5 OFF $25

Valid only Tuesday, December 21st from 7pm EST to close
(Must bring in this email)

Crap in a canoe! If only I were not in Mississippi then! Fiddlesticks.

Phone convo I had today

One of our site directors called me this morning with a question and we had this little exchange:

Director - Amelia, this is [Site Director] from [Historic Site].
Me - Oh hi [Director]! How are you?
Director - WHACKY!! How are you?

Name omitted to protect the whacky.

This is Doug

He is in the running for the title of Britain's Ugliest Dog.


I think he might take this one! I find him right cute, though.

Inspirational Timesheets

We have this absolutely marvelous woman in our HR department who sends us all reminders via email twice a month to fill out our timesheets. She always includes an inspirational message of some sort in them, and they are just pure gold. Here is this week's:

It falls like feathers from the sky. Melting on impact as it touches your nose. Bringing with it the brrrrrrrrrrrr in the air and trouble for those who just don’t understand the beauty of it all. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

What a beautiful time of the year and when you look outside your window to see the snow falling it is a picturesque sight to see. Hold that thought, this is also the perfect time for HR to remind you it is time to do your E-Time card for pay period
December 1-15, 2010.

Amazing, no? Don't worry, I will be sharing them ALL with you going forward!

Sam dreamed a dream

So Sam awoke yesterday morning, and immediately told the following to me:

I had the best dream! I am so sad it was not real. I dreamed I was at the Wilderness Battlefield, and they were having a barbeque and Greek food festival! There was this old Greek man way in the back. He was preparing a giant shrimp on the flat top, which was so giant it was bigger than our bed. He was covering it in pork and little shrimps. Then he asked me if I wanted something special from the chef, like a little tasting menu. But then when he gave me the thing it was raspberry Pavlova. So, things really ended on a bad note.

Sam has the best dreams.

This happened in Detroit, naturally

Why, you say? Because Detroit is the best, duh! I love Detroit.



It's lousy with holiday cheer around here. Via Gawker.

Helpful tips from Microsoft Outlook

Don't all the Microsoft programs just give a person the handiest, most helpful tips? I swear, it's like they are INSIDE MY BRAIN! Case in point - this little story I got from my dear friend and coworker Leah yesterday:

In other news, Microsoft Word had an interesting grammar suggestion for me a few minutes ago. When I typed “I’ve” in an e-mail, it underlined it in green and suggested the following:


SERIOUSLY?! And then when I type “me’ve” for fun to see what it suggests then, it underlines it as being incorrectly spelled. Awesome.

Outta tha park, Outlook! Very well done indeed. Thanks, Leah, for sharing this helpful hint!

A heartwarming dance

It continues to be horribly cold in the District of Columbia, but there's one great way to keep warm - DANCING. Luckily the Racing Presidents of the Washington Nationals are well aware of this fact. Take a gander at THIS:


Teddy might be highlighted heavily, but it's Abe Lincoln's stirring grande jetes which really tug at my heartstrings.

Wedding hair solved!

I've been fretting about what to do with this mop of hair on my noggin for the wedding. Well, I'm still not sure, but I know where to go to solve this problem!


Marvelous.

Amid all this Beef, we need some cuteness!

It's Monday. WOOF! It's Monday and it's the holiday season. Now in addition to the normal Monday blues, we have to worry about gifts and cards and how many inches all the festive food you can't stop yourself from eating will add to your already bulging midsection. We need to stop and smell the ADORABILITY, am I right?


WOW. Blues CURED by the always reliable sweetness of interspecies friends.

The emails keep coming

Here is one I just received from a very excited Sydney:

Oh man, you know what I just realized? You get a free appetizer at Beef's!

Also the Beef O'Brady's Bowl is on December 21. Expect full coverage from my mom and dad's living room!

Email I got this morning, the sequel

Your picture has been approved by the Beef 'O' Brady's Team! Check it out and share it with your friends: http://www.beefobradys.com/beefs-gallery.aspx?pic=287
Score a FREE appetizer when you sign up for Team O’ Brady’s: Sign up here.

-The Beef 'O' Brady's Team
www.BeefOBradys.com

A Recent Convo

me: do you know what happens tonight
Cassie: VAMPIRE SEX
IN A CAVE

Crushes from the 90s

Tonight at 8pm, with no new episode of America's Next Top Model, I found myself in front of the tube, din din on lap, with nothing to watch - I have a fairly strict tv watching schedule, you see. When one's significant other works nights, one tends to date the television in his absence. So, I began to channel surf when Jeopardy! ended, but the surfing did not last long. I quickly found myself watching NBC's reality show The Sing Off. This genuis creation is a competitive outing for acapella groups, and it is AWESOME. It's pretty much the opposite of American Idol, which I despise - the contestants do their own arrangements, and they can all actually sing really well (American Idol is basically a yelling contest, not a singing contest)! I enjoyed the featured groups immensely, but what really struck a chord with me (PUN!) was the judges... because one of them is an old crush of mine from the early 90s about whom I'd completely forgotten: Shawn Stockman of Boyz II Men. Remember him?! Remember Boyz II Men?! Let me refresh your memory:



EFF YES. I may or may not have just danced around my kitchen while watching that. Expect more Sing Off and Shawn Stockman posts in the weeks to come, friends! No go forth and harmonize.

The thing to do - stay inside and be snuggly

Y'all, it is REALLY cold in DC. I have about a half hour walk to work, and the past few mornings it has just been miserable - so much so that I've even considered taking the Metro instead (the Metro during rush hour is basically a nightmare on wheels, if you've never experienced it). My damn toes is FROZE! On days such as this, the only thing to do is stay under the covers and cuddle up with the one you love.



Sadly, that is not an option because we are all adults and we have to go to stupid work because we have to have money for rent and bills and the seemingly insurmountable, soul crushing pile of debt that never ever seems to get any smaller, no matter how much of your paycheck you keep throwing at it.

:(

Hump day treat: The Salsa Dog!

Well this is just marvelous.



That pup's got better moves than I do!

A song from my youth

Yesterday's post about Manic Hispanic's Santa Got Run Over By My Chevy made me remember a song that my sister created when we were young. Recalling this great work had me caught in a giggle loop so strong that even a brisk walk around the block to calm the eff down didn't help. Goo was probably around 10, and I was probably about 5 when she composed the insta-classic Grandma Got Run Over By an Ex Lax Truck. Unfortunately I can only recall one line: "She had tire prints on her shoulders/ and doody in her drawers."

It will come as no surprise to anyone that when Goo was tested as a child, she was found to have a genuis level IQ.

Popular names

Sydney has just rocked my world by sending me this link.

Top Baby Names for 2010

Check out the number 44 girl's name, and the corresponding boy's name. MIND = BLOWN!

The magic of Sirius

Sam and I rented a car over the weekend, and it came with Sirius satellite radio! Sam loves Sirius, and was immediately on the hunt for the 'Outlaw Country' station. In our search to find it, we stumbled upon... this:



Many thanks to Sam for tracking down this youtube video. Manic Hispanic, according to Wikipedia, is "a semi-parodic act that plays cover versions of punk rock and hardcore punk "standards" by slightly renaming songs and adjusting lyrics to address Chicano culture." Yes... 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' is one of my favorite punk rock standards! Happy holidays, everyone!

Email I got this morning

Thanks, Pete. Thank you so very much. Fun fact - when you get an email from Beef O'Brady's, the sender is listed solely as 'Beef'.

Pete is horrible

Well. I was just having a conversation with Pete about the University of Southern Mississippi's inclusion in the Beef O'Brady's Bowl this month. We were both wondering who Beef O'Brady was. Quick research showed us that Beef O'Brady's is, in fact, a deeply wretched looking chain of 'family friendly Irish pubs' that do not have hard liquor, or any Irish food whatsoever. And then Pete did this:


Pete is horrible, and horribly funny. If I appear on the Beefy's website, you'll know who is responsible.

New Feature! Unusual Town Names

I love towns that have unusual names, so what better to do than start blogging about them? Here's one I learned about just today!


It's Dildo, Newfoundland! The Wikipedia article on Dildo is all too brief, and I'm a bit terrified of what the internet will present if I Google 'Dildo', but I was able to learn that the town is home to the Dildo Museum Interpretive Center, hosts Historic Dildo Days each August, and is located on Dildo Bay. If you get tired of Dildo, you can go explore unincorporated community South Dildo, or even take a jaunt over to Dildo Island. Awesome!

If you get pulled over for not using a turn signal

...don't swallow the bag of cocaine you have in your center console! You will wind up looking like this kid.


This is 18 year old Art Taylor of Massachusetts. Don't be like Art. When transporting your drugs in your motor vehicle, use extreme caution and always employ your turn signals!

Awesome new blog to follow

There's really nothing that compares with Maury Povich, is there?


No there is not! And that's why this awesome blog I discovered over the holiday weekend, Holy Maury Mother of God, is so fantastic. You're welcome, readers. Enjoy!