Friday, March 16, 2012

GOURD SOURCE: Issue Three

Deeply disappointing: Pete does not like GOURD SOURCE. He says it is not at all what he was looking for, and that he was hoping for more "gourd research." I found this rather annoying, but he is a solid 50% of my readership, and I must give the readers what they want.

Pete: hola
me: what's shakin
Pete: listening to my new favorite band
me: what's that
Pete: http://www.thegourds.com/
me: !!!
Pete: you're tellin' me
i have a dumb question
me: shoot
Pete: do people eat gourds?
me: I DON'T KNOW!!!!
i also have that dumb question!
let's ask google

We got distracted by other things that day - specifially, what Google will autofill when you type in 'do people'* - and this remained unanswered. Let's see what we can find out!

The always reliable Yahoo Answers replies, "Yes you can eat gourds in your garden, however, I prefer to eat them inside my home, preferably in the dining room or dinette area. The last time I ate gourds in the garden I got stung by a bee." We've got a joker here, people! I don't think we can trust his answer.

The suspicious sounding Ping Ming Health states, "Bitter gourd is suitable for those who have heat in their body or during hot seasons. If you have diabetes type 2 and with the symptoms above, bitter gourd is suitable for you to eat." I'm pretty sure everyone who is alive has 'heat in their body.' I don't believe Ping Ming either.

Ask.com, which I was surprised to find still in existence, offers "Gourds are not edible they are used as decorations, I have seen them used as birdhouses, bore a little hole in the fat body part of the gourd and hang it from a tree." Fair enough, but learn how to write a proper sentence, friend.

Finally, we have The Gourdfather! He says no, don't eat your gourds. I trust him because he has an awesome name, his website offers books with titles like A Step by Step Guide to Gourd Crafts, and he makes fantastical gourd art like this:


That's it for this issue of GOURD SOURCE, readers. Remember, don't eat gourds! Instead, make weird things out of them!

*Examples of things Google will autofill in this instance include:
do people live in antarctica
do people get hurt on wipeout
do people still use pagers
do people eat placenta
do people poop when they die

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